Encouragement Came In The Mail

Things are hard right now. McNabb Land is not a cheerful place to be and I make terrible company. I've been sad since my dad left and worried about my mom. My girls have so many questions that I don't know how to answer. They just don't understand why grandpa doesn't want to be grandpa anymore. I don't understand either. I don't have all the answers they're needing. I don't have ANY of the answers they're needing. He didn't even call me on my birthday. I had called him a day or two before and invited him for a visit on my birthday. He said he'd come. He told me a time and sounded like he meant it. I waited all day. He never came. He never called. I feel foolish for wasting my tears, but I cried like a child. My heart shattered. I don't have a dad anymore. He chose this. Why are we the ones who have to suffer his mistakes? I was already dealing with Bobby's illness and Laney's issues, now this? How much can one person shoulder?
So I was feeling really down and sad. I've tried to pull myself out of this black hole mood I've been in. I've just been failing at it. I've felt a little rejected, unloved, uncared for. I've had some ugly thoughts and feelings. Thoughts too ugly to write or speak. But not today. Today I feel special and loved and cared for. Today I feel hope and strength. Today I feel worth loving. Today I found encouragement in my mailbox.
I was fortunate enough to win a book from Kate's blog. She was offering the book 'Life, In Spite of Me' and I felt led to read it. I was thrilled that I won and couldn't wait to get it. I expected to find hope inside those pages. I expected to find a beautiful message about God's love, about never being forgotten or left behind by HIM. I knew as I opened the package that I was looking someone who might understand. Hopefully, the book might provide that for me. It did. But it provided so much more than that. I'm not sure if Kate understood what her little notes would mean to me. I'm sure she could never IMAGINE what they would mean to me. I don't even have the words to describe it. All I can say is....thank you Kate. Finding your notes throughout the pages of my book was a blessing.