MRI Results Are In

I know that many of you have been praying for me from the very beginning of my breast cancer scare. I want to take the time to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers and comments. I will never be able to fully convey how grateful I am for your support during such a difficult time. I am very happy, thrilled really, to tell you all that the prayers have been answered. My results were given to me today, and I tested NEGATIVE for breast cancer!!!!! Praise be to God Almighty for this fantastic news!

New Design

Did you see my new blog design? I made the header all by myself! Yay me!!!!! Whatcha think?

MRI Escapades

OK, so the MRI is over and I survived. Barely. I was given a prescription for something to relax me, being as I am VERY claustrophobic! Sadly, I couldn't find anyone to drive me today, so I didn't get to take the meds I was planning to take for relaxation. Big. Mistake. Really. I was fine until I actually got in the room in front of the MRI monster machine. I had already been given the IV for my contrast, so I thought I was good to go for the MRI. I didn't even faint. Until I walked into the room and looked at the monster machine. That's right people. I fainted after just looking at the machine. Sad. True. I'm pathetic. So, once I came back to, I was told to lie on my stomach on the bed with my arms on the pillow above my head. The nice lady place headphone over my head with some pretty gospel music playing (per my request) and told me to relax. Close my eyes. I promise I tried to do like you told me to, counting my breaths. Not a big help when I'm hyperventilating! Thanks for the suggestion though. It almost might have worked. Maybe. If I wasn't screaming at the top of my lungs "please let me out of this thing!" I tried to calm down. Not alot of luck there. I spent the most hellish afternoon in that deathtrap machine, praying for the Lord to give me strength, praying for Him to take the fear away. The nice lady came in and pulled me out of the tunnel after I passed out for (I think) the third time. Did you know it take ALOT longer to do an MRI when they have to constantly stop the testing to let me breathe into a paper sack to stop the hyperventilation. Did you know that even as loud as those MRI's get, it IS possible for a person to scream loud enough for the people in the waiting rooms to hear OVER THE MACHINE?! Yeah. Did you have an MRI today? That crazy lady screaming in the MRI room today? That was ME. Sorry if you are suffering a permanent hearing loss. I tried. Really, I did. What did I learn from this experience today? Next time I need an MRI and they give me pills to take, I need to take them. Driver or no driver. I need to take them. Did I learn anything else from this? Yes. I never want to even look at an MRI again. EVER.

Trying To Relax

My MRI is tomorrow. I am terrified. REALLY. Not just of the results, but of the MRI itself. I hate the idea of being put in that machine. To say I have a fear of closed in places would be putting it mildly. I can't shower without having a panic attack because of the shower curtain. Seriously. I'm that bad. At least I was able to get a prescription medication to take in the morning. It should relax me enough to where I don't go nuts when the MRI starts. I hope. Wish there was a pill to take that could make me enjoy a shower. HA! That would be fantastic.
Anyway. If it's not too much trouble, could you please pray for me tomorrow. Specifically, please pray that I am relaxed during the MRI. Also, pray that the results are returned quickly and that I can be given a clean bill of health. I also ask that you pray for strength. If, by chance, the results are not as I would like them to be, I will surely need that strength for the fight I can assure you will follow. I ain't goin' out without a fight! Take care dear friends. I will update as soon as I can.

One quick note. Please take the time to pray for Stellan and Kayleigh.

Playdate With My Laneybug

I've tried to stay out of trouble today. So far, so good. No allergic reactions or ER visits to speak of...yet. The evening IS still young though! I have decided to lay off the Corn Nuts for awhile. SIGH. I fear I may need a support group. Anyone know of a good Corn Nut's Anonymous group that is accepting members? Yeah. I need help.

So anyway. Delaney and I were hanging out in the kitchen this morning. Under the table. That seems to be her new favorite spot. Of all the places to hang out in the house, my little nut chooses to sit under the table in the kitchen. Not that I have room to talk, as I was sitting under there with her! Delaney was in super happy mood today, handing out smiles like crazy, so I happily whipped out the camera and started snapping! Below are a few shots of our time under and around the table. Go ahead, tell me I don't have the most adorable Laneybug EVER!!!!

This is the smile that gets her ANYTHING her heart desires!

This is her "Sneaky Laney" smile. It melts my heart.

I love it when she wakes up in a playful mood!

She's getting to be such a big girl. I look forward to the day when standing turns into walking!

She's so beautiful. ♥I love this girl♥

I think it's funny to see her play with my chair, when she has a ROOM full of toys!

Allergies, Corn Nuts, MRI's, and Hair Cuts

Friday was a very eventful day for me. I took Delaney to her physical therapy appointment at 8:15 that morning. We were greeted by a very friendly therapist named Kim. Delaney instantly took a liking to her. I was very relieved that it went so well. She was recommended for occupational therapy as well and will be evaluated for that next week. The therapist says that my concerns over Delaney's slow walking are valid concerns. She felt that alot of Delaney's problem with walking centers around sensory issues. She says that Delaney has all the tools to do the walking, she just lacks the sensory skills she needs. She also has poor head control, weak muscle strength, and has this paralyzing fear of falling. Hopefully, PT and OT will help her with these things. We will also be doing a technique called brushing. We did brushing with Destiny when she was younger. It worked well for her, maybe it will work for Delaney as well.

After leaving PT, I went to my parents' house to pick my dad up. He was scheduled to have outpatient surgery on his thumb. I took him to the hospital for his surgery and waited while he had the surgery performed so that I could drive him home. While waiting, I fed Delaney a snack. I was getting a little hungry by that point, but decided to wait a little while to eat. After my father's surgery was complete, I went to the pharmacy to pick up bandages and things for his dressing changes. Delaney and I drove him home and left so that we could pick up the sisters from school. I was starving at that point, so I decided to stop at a store and pick up a snack. You know, something quick that I could eat on the way to the school. I chose Corn Nuts. I had never eaten Corn Nuts before and my curiosity got the best of me. Let me just say, YUMMY! I love Corn Nuts! I could see the start of a beautiful friendship! Sadly, Corn Nuts do not love me in return. By the time I picked the sisters up from school my mouth felt raw. The sisters had an appointment to get their summer hair cuts. My sis-in-law was taking them as a gift to me. By the time she came to get them at 3:30, my mouth was swollen. My sis-in-law took one look at me and asked, "oh my, who hit you in the mouth?" I went to look in the mirror, and sure enough, my lips were swelling at a rapid rate. I ended up in the ER with a severe allergic reaction to my new friend, Corn Nuts! Needless to say, the relationship is over! No more Corn Nuts for me! SIGH! I am okay now though. My mouth is just really sore and I feel like I was hit in the face with a train. No big deal really.

I FINALLY have my appointment for my breast MRI. I will be going on Thursday. Please pray. I am anxious to get the results, but not so anxious to get the bad news that I fear is coming. I'm trying to think positive thoughts, it's just not working for me. Sorry. I will let everyone know the results as soon as I get them.

By the way, the sisters' hair cuts turned out beautifully. I will attempt to slow the girls down long enough to catch a few pics of them and will post them soon. They just look so grown up with the new cuts! SIGH!

Update on MRI....and Laneybug

I wanted to update everyone on my MRI results, but I can't because I haven't had my MRI yet. Truth be told, I most likely won't be having my MRI anytime soon, if at all. I am actually glad that I wasn't able to make it to the first appointment that was scheduled for me because it might have been a waste of time. A few of you said that maybe it just was not in God's plan for me to have the MRI performed that particular day. My insurance has declined payment for the MRI at this time. My doctor is appealing the decision and filed what is called a PA (prior authorization), but so far, we have no answers. I am praying that we can get a good answer soon so that I can get the results and do whatever I need to do to make this worry go away. My doctor seems confident that the PA will do the trick and my MRI will be paid for. If not, I would have to pay for a large portion of the cost of the MRI before the MRI is performed. We just don't have that kind of money laying around right now. Between the economy and Bobby's numerous surgeries, extra money is somewhat of a luxury for us right now....a luxury we have not had!!! I do good if I can afford to buy diapers for Laneybug's bottom right now! And I ran out of gas, not once, but TWICE last week! Long story short, paying for an MRI, while necessary, is just not feasible at this time. I pray that my insurance approves the payment. I also pray that one day diapers grow on trees (but that's a different blog post for another day:).

As for other things in my life right now. My little Laneybug starts physical therapy on Friday! I am so excited for her. However, I am not excited about what this means for my already cram-packed weekly schedule. We now have a pulminologist, 2 cardiologists, allergist, Gastro-interologist, 2 neurologists, neurosurgeon, a therapist, and as of Friday, a physical therapist! Whew! Add those to the growing list of pediatrician appointments, eye exams for Laney, and "mommy's Dr's appointments"! Need I say more? It's exhausting! On the upside, I AM really looking forward to physical therapy for Laney. The possibility of her being able to walk soon is well worth the added appointments on my schedule! She will be 17 months old at the end of this month and I hope to have her walking (if not running!) by the time she is 20 months old. I am not sure if that is a realistic goal for her, but I certainly intend to find out on Friday! Here are some pictures of "miss Laneybug" just in case you need a quick Laney-fix.


This is my sleeping Laneybug. She falls asleep every time I put her in the car. She's usually snoring before we can even get out of the driveway!

This is my sneaky Laneybug. We were at school eating lunch with the sisters. She was reaching over to the table to steal a bite of sister's lunch!

This is my happy Laneybug. We are in the car getting ready to go "bye-bye" and Laney LOVES to go "bye-bye!" I guess she considers it a great chance to catch up on her sleep!

Easter Blessings

I just wanted to post a few of my favorite pictures from our Easter egg hunt. The pretty little girl in the white dress is my niece, Carrie. Isn't she just gorgeous?

Delaney had a great time hunting eggs. She had to stop and open each one to see the prize inside. My two big girls had just as much fun and are still on a sugar high! I'm sorry there are more pictures of Delaney. I took plenty pictures of all my girls. I only posted so many of Delaney because this was her first egg hunt.

MRI's and Allergies

I am so very sorry for not updating sooner. I have been so busy here with doctor's appointments for the kids and adults! I know everyone has been wondering about my breast MRI on Tuesday. I was on my way to the appointment when the school called. Paisley was having trouble breathing and they needed me to pick her up immediately. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find anyone to pick her up for me, so I had to turn around and head back to our town to get her. I called and tried to tell the hospital that I would be late, but I would be there as soon as I could get there. They refused to hold the appointment for me so I ended up having to cancel. I am so upset that I didn't get the MRI done, but it really couldn't be helped. I am trying to get my doctor to reschedule it now. I'm having a hard time getting anyone from the office to call me back. I can't take all this waiting. It's driving me crazy to not know what's going on with my health.
I took Delaney to the allergist yesterday. Her GI doctor wanted a series of allergy testing performed on her. He decided we needed to know what foods she is allergic to and what food she is not allergic to. I came home with a HUGE list of "foods to avoid" and a child covered in whelps. FUN, FUN! I honestly don't know what to feed the kid now! It's amazing she has even survived this long on what I've been feeding her. Here are a few of the items off the "foods to avoid" list:
artificial butter, butter, buttermilk, casein, caseinates, cheese, cream, cottage cheese, custard, ghee, lactulose, milk (in all forms including condensed, derivative, dry, evaporated, goat's milk, powdered, protein, skimmed,solids, and whole), nisin, nougat, pudding, recaldent, rennet casein, sour cream, caramel, chocolate, high protein flour, lactose, lunch meats, hot dogs, sausage, margarine, egg, mayonnaise, meringue, marshmallows, macaroni, soy, soy sauce, all Asian cuisine, soy fiber, soy flour, soybean curd, tofu, textured vegetable protein, vegetable broth, vegetable gum, vegetable starch. That's just to name a few in each category! Some of those things listed are on there because they contain the same ingredients. Basically, she is allergic to gluten, milk, soy, and eggs! Anyone have any ideas on what I should feed her? I sure don't have a clue! Her allergies pretty much knock out all the food groups. The kid can't live off of green beans forever.
Any suggestions for feeding her will be greatly appreciated. I mean, REALLY!

I will update on here when I get a new appointment scheduled for my MRI. Please continue to pray that it's not breast cancer that I'm dealing with. And please pray for Tim over at Fort Thompson. He is having some tests run today. Sadly, he is also dealing with a cancer scare of his own. Rally around him and show him the kindness and support you have all shown me. Have a Blessed day!!!

Arrhythmia and a Heart Monitor

We're home from the cardiologist now. I must say, the praying helped Destiny with the nervousness. She was a little trooper when we went in there today. She handled all the testing like a pro...NO TEARS!!! She failed her EKG and her ECHO. Failed? Can I say that? I'm not sure if it's considered failing. The long and the short of it is that Destiny has some type of arrhythmia in her heart beat. The cardiologist feels that this arrhythmia is what is causing Destiny to faint (not the anxiety like the hospital originally thought) and that the anxiety is just an underlying result of the larger picture. SIMPLY PUT: Her heart is beating in a way that is not normal and it is causing her anxiety because it scares her when she feels it beating this "new way." She has complained to me before about feeling her heart beat too hard in her chest, but it is usually after she's done something extremely physical like running or jumping. So, I've always told her it's normal for her heart to feel that way after she plays. Unfortunately, she misunderstood us and told herself it is normal for her heart to feel that way anytime-during rest or play. Her heart, at rest today, was acting up and they were able to do the EKG and finally see what it does when it acts funny. Praise be to God Almighty for giving us the opportunity to FINALLY have some answers!! Destiny will be wearing a monitor for at least the next 30 days so that we can monitor her heart and see how often she is having this arrhythmia and maybe find out how long the arrhythmic episodes are lasting. Please continue to pray for her little heart. We are hopeful that this arrhythmia is something that can be treated quickly and simply with very little change to her already hectic life. Thank you all for the extra prayers this morning and for the prayers that I know will continue as we learn more about Destiny's heart.

We're Off to the Heart Doctor

Today I am taking my 8 year old to the cardiologist to have her heart checked. We will be leaving soon for the hour and a half drive. She is nervous. She keeps asking me, "what is they find out my heart is sick?" I'm trying to tell her that her heart is fine, but she's still afraid that something is wrong. This appointment is just a formality. It is just so that they can make sure her fainting spells have nothing to do with her heart. I'm sure that it will all be fine, but if it's not too much trouble and you feel inclined to, could you please pray that her appointment goes well and that they send us home with a healthy heart report for my little worrier? Thank you all so much for your prayers! Have a blessed day and I will report back later with her heart update.

Fearful, but Faithful

I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you to everyone for the encouraging comments. In the past few days, so many people have left me so many nice comments! I wanted to let you all know how much it means to me to have you all praying for a good outcome. My MRI is Tuesday and I am so nervous. I know that God is taking care of me and this is all a part of His greater plan for my life. I am trying very hard to have faith in Him. I know He knows what He has in store for me. I just have to learn to practice patience. If this turns out to be breast cancer, I will do whatever I have to do to fight it. I am a survivor. I'm not giving up yet. After all, I have way too much to live for! It might be a hard road to travel, but with the Lord by my side, and an awesome support system, I know I will not travel that road alone. Blessings to you all.

Shattered

Today has been a hard day for me. I went in to the doctor to find out the actual results of my mammogram. I feel as if I've had the wind knocked out of me. I have a nodule in my right breast. My doctor says it is in the "9 o'clock" lymph node. She then went on to tell me that this is the lymph node that breast cancer generally originates from. She gave me the impression that there is only a small chance that this is not breast cancer. I will have my breast MRI next week. I would be lying if I told you I'm not worried. I'm terrified. I have too much to live for. Too much "fullness" in my life to not be terrified about this. I have had too mush illness in my family lately. I just don't know if I have the strength to go to battle with another illness, should the need arise. I am beaten down and feeling terribly broken right now. I am trying not to question my Father, but it's so hard right now. I feel like the sky has opened up and the rain is falling down and the storm is raging against me. I'm just too tired to go against the current in this ocean. I know I need to turn to my Lord and place my fate in His hands. I just don't have that faith right now. His hand is outstretched, just beyond my reach right now. I feel so shattered.

Lord, I need you now, more than ever. I feel so many different emotions. The trials of the past year have me feeling beaten and battered. I just don't think I am strong enough to handle anything more. Please God, I have so many hopes and dreams for my life. My babies are young and I want to see them grow and reach their full potential. My husband needs me. We need each other. WE need YOU Lord! Please, Don't let this be cancer, God. PLEASE. I'm on dirty knees. I beg of you. God, PLEASE, I am struggling now, but I still believe in your strength and healing power. Lord, please let this not be cancer. Set me free from this fear and anxiety I'm feeling. Let me see my children grow. Help me survive this. Carry me through this and past this, in one piece. AMEN.