Do You See It?

Do you see the smiles on the faces
of the three little girls
that I get to spend my days with?!
< How did I get to be so blessed?

Getting Started

Homeschooling the girls has been a fun and new adventure for me. I love having them home with me and feel so much safer knowing that they are here with me and not at school getting picked on. They seem to really enjoy being here and they both are eager to learn. We've been working this week on testing. I'm getting a good idea of what level they are on in each subject and it makes me sad to see how far behind they actually are. I'm thinking that pulling them out was a good decision! I hope to get them caught up quickly, as they are both really into learning new things. My girls are smart and they'll catch on quickly I think. Our biggest thing is getting a routine started for them. You guys know me....I'm such a planner! The girls eat breakfast in the morning and then go right to the dining room table to start their work. As soon as I've figured out the things we need to focus on the most we will be well on our way to getting caught up. I gotta be honest though. I'm really looking forward to the hands on, no books kind of learning that we can get from visiting historic buildings and museums. That's definitely going to be fun for the girls (and maybe momma too!)

New Adventure In McNabb Land (And Pictures)

Before I forget, here are my beautiful girls all dressed up for Halloween. Destiny was a beautiful monarch butterfly, Paisley was a dynamic Supergirl, and Delaney was a most adorable Scooby Doo! They chose their own costumes and had alot of fun dressing up.


We are starting a new adventure here in McNabb Land. Not the travelling kind of adventure. No, we don't even have to leave McNabb Land to embark on this new adventure. Our new adventure is homeschool. After giving it a great deal of thought, I have decided to remove the girls from our public school system and educate them at home. This is not something that I ever saw myself doing, but after watching Destiny and Paisley struggle with school for the last two grading periods I decided that the time to educate them at home is now. I've blogged about Destiny's struggles with social anxiety in the past. I've not made it any secret that she cries every day and begs me not to make her go to school. I'm tired of dragging her in to the classroom kicking and screaming. I'm tired of having the image of her tearstained face in my head all day. I'm tired of going to pick her up afterschool and finding her still in tears. Seven hours is a long time to cry. Why torture her when I can keep her at home and teach her? I know kids need to socialize with other kids. I know they need more in their life than just family. I've mulled over this decision for weeks. I've weighed the good and the bad, but in the end, home education feels like the right choice. Destiny eats lunch alone. She plays alone. She doesn't seem to have any friends. She's picked on, pushed down, and teased on a daily basis. Why should she have to go through that? I've gone to the school. I've made complaints. I've begged the system to protect my girl and they've done nothing. They won't help her, but I can. Paisley's experience hasn't been much better. Her teacher berates her. She talks about how poorly she reads in front of her entire class. She makes her feel "not smart" (Paisley's own words) and she sends home notes to me talking about how she is concerned that Paisley is below average and a slow learner. She doesn't even put these notes in an envelope so that Paisley can't see them. She just writes her notes on the bottom of a homework paper that has already been graded. If Paisley can't read, as her teacher claims, how is it that she has no problem reading those notes? It hurts her feelings and it makes me angry. Paisley reads aloud to me every night. I see no problem with her reading. She might read a little slower than she should, but she does read. Then there's the constant lockdowns at school. Paisley's school has been in lockdown 3 times in the last little while: once at the end of the year last school year, and twice already in this school year. Scary! I think it's time for a change. Wish me luck!

Getting Away

Took the girls on a few adventures this summer. These pics are from our camping trip. I'm not real big on camping after living the first several months of my marriage in a 39' camper. I couldn't pitch a tent if it came already assembled! So we took the easy way out and went to stay in a cabin. Here ya go....camping "McNabb Land style!"

Catching Up

So many things have been going on during my blogging hiatus. I wish I could say that my reason for abandoning my blog for the last few months was entirely due to the fact that the girls have kept me insanely busy. I guess you could say that statement is partly true. The girls and I led very full lives this summer. We were constantly off finding new adventures. But mostly, I took a break from blogging because I really just didn't want to share some of the sour details of my life and, without sharing those details, there was no way for me to blog honestly.
I've always tried to be open and honest with my feelings on here. When I started this blog it was to find an outlet for my fears, frustrations, and thoughts. I needed to be able to open up my heart and pour out it's contents in a healthy way. Up until the day that I started this blog, I was the "bottling type." I kept all my feelings bottled up until I just felt like screaming. Blogging was a way to help me let it all out without hurting someone! :) Once I opened up, I realized how good it really felt to not let all the junk build up. I never imagined the friendships I would find when I entered the blogging world. I have been blessed with some really awesome friends in this community. It is for that reason that I took a break from my blog. So many things have happened in McNabb Land that I needed to sort through on my own before posting anything on here. I didn't feel right about pretending that everything was going great for us here when in actuality, things aren't that great. I just wasn't ready to talk about it. Maybe I am now. We'll find out.

One of the last things I blogged before my break was the situation with my parents. When my dad left my mom I had a really difficult time dealing with the fall out. My girls were hurting and couldn't understand what was going on. But honestly, I was hurt. When my dad left so suddenly he pretty much cut all ties with all of us. It broke my heart to know that he could just disappear so easily from my life. It is an ache that will never completely heal....even though they were able to work it out 3 months later when he moved back home. I'm still working on forgiveness.

Shortly after my parents marriage fell apart, my own marriage started to crumble as well. Things just sort of fell apart. Bobby is a good man and an excellent father, but he is not the same man that I traded vows with 10 years ago. I started to reach a point where I was spending more time crying than rejoicing. We were fighting and calling each other names that weren't appropriate for little ears to hear. He'd become very controlling and hateful. I just couldn't live like that. Didn't want my girls to live like that either. We decided to take a break from the fighting and from each other. I just want to be happy again. Where do we stand now? I'm not sure. Do we try to work it out? Can a crumbling marriage really be saved? I like to think so. I do know that kids can't save a marriage. Staying together for the sake of our children is not something I would ever consider. My most vivid memories of my own childhood include constantly hearing my parents utter, "if we didn't have kids, I'd be gone" or "just as soon as the kids turn 18 I'm leaving" or "I'm only here because of the kids" and I swore to myself that I would never put my children through that. If my marriage survives it will be because I love my husband and want to be with him, not because I love my kids and want them to have a two parent family. At this point, divorce is not an option. We've weathered bigger storms and I think we can weather this storm as well. WE just have to both be willing to work at it. I'm not ready to give up yet. Don't know that I will ever be willing to give up.

Enough talk about my marital drama! We did have some fun this summer and I can't wait to post some new pictures. My girls are getting so big!

Hello World, Are You Still Out There?

So, I've gotta say that trying to get back into blogging on a daily basis hasn't happened yet. I'll pause while you think to yourself, "well, duh, Kaleena!" One of these days my life will slow down and give me a chance to catch up. I hope. A girl can dream, can't she? I'm really trying to schedule more "ME TIME" when I can and hopefully, I will be able to manage at least one or two posts a week soon. I miss my blogging buddies. I wish I could post some pictures for you guys, but I really am getting ready to pull my own hair out right now. The girls are having a heated dispute over who gets to open the box of cereal and pour it in to a bowl for Delaney. I fear it will come to blows as it most always does these days. Maybe I should go to the kitchen and referee before there is blood shed? (insert little girl shrieks here.....) On secind thought, maybe I'll just let them fight it out while I hide under the coffee table. :)

Back To School, Back To Blogging

I sent my girls back to school this morning and now I'm sitting here in this quiet house wondering why I was looking forward to school starting. I'm not going to lie. I cried before they were even out of my sight this morning. Like a baby. The ugly cry. Don't worry, they didn't see me crying. I just can't believe Destiny is in 4th grade and Paisley is in 2nd now! It will be even harder for me when Delaney starts Birth-Three class next month. I just don't know how I'll manage.

Quick Picture "Fix"

One of these days I'll make it back to blogging regularly...I promise! School starts soon and I'll have an easier time posting.

I figured ya'll might be missing my beautiful self and all my awesome McNabb Land updates (what do you call that? Vanity? Conceit? Self-confidence? Anywho....) so here's a quick McNabb Land fix for you.


They're growing like weeds, aren't they!?

URGENT PRAYERS NEEDED!!!!!!!

Cancer doesn't care what your age is. It doesn't care what your name is. It doesn't if you're rich or poor, the color of your skin, or who your parents are. Cancer doesn't care if you have your life planned out or even if you're right in the middle of watching all of your dreams come true. It's faceless and often symptom less until it's gripping you so tightly that it can't be ignored or explained away. Cancer doesn't knock on your door and it certainly doesn't wait patiently on your steps until you've invited it in. It's angry without provocation. Ugly. It'll bring you to your knees in prayer like nothing else can. Will you pray with me?
A very dear friend of mine is entering a battle against the monster known as neuroblastoma. Not a battle for her own life, but a battle for her son's. If you think about it, maybe it is a battle for her own life. Her kids are HER life. As a parent, I'm hurting for her. I know how precious life is and how it feels to cry and worry and wonder. I've spent what feels like a million lifetimes walking those hospital hallways with God at my side. Begging and pleading for answers and relief for my child. No, I've never battled a monster like hers, but I've rocked my baby at death's door and been blessed to come out the other side with my child still in my arms. As a friend, I want to be angry FOR her. I want to shoulder the grief and take it all in for myself. I want to feel it for her so she can concentrate on the battle that is her future-her son's future. Logan is just a little boy, barely older than my Laney. Cute as can be and a real firecracker. When he's healthy, he's precocious and full of imagination. Vivacious and full of life to the point of bursting. He's the kind of son I've always wanted and the kid that I most envy her for being blessed with. (Yes, I've been coveting her kid!) Her son is a ray of sunshine on the darkest of days and I swear, her day would have to get just a little bit brighter each morning when his feet hit the floor. I know I can't help but smile when I watch him play.
Logan was diagnosed just 2 days ago with an aggressive neuroblastoma. At least a stage 3, possibly stage 4 when the biopsys are complete, it's inoperable at this time but we hope that, with chemo, it will shrink so that a surgery will become an option for him. I'm asking that you pray for Logan and his family as they start this battle with the monster. Together we can storm the gates of heaven on Logan's behalf. Pray for the doctors treating him, the staff that will be caring for him, the people that love him who will be walking this road with him. Pray for his sisters, 3 of them, as they try to just take all this in, too young to really understand anything. Pray for relief from pain and rest when he's weary. Pray for good judgment in decision making. Pray that every avenue is explored and that no stone is left unturned. Pray that the right treatments are given. Pray for remission. Please, if you feel led, tell your friends, your worship centers, your youth groups. Pray for Logan.

Long Awaited Review For CSN Stores

I was supposed to do this review for csnstores.com a long time ago. It took the girls a lot longer than expected to select the item to review. Better late than never- I always say. We selected a Little Tikes rocker in pink. No, that is NOT my Laneybug in the picture I've posted. There is a reason for that though. We were really excited when we ordered the rocker. Little Tikes is usually a good brand name and Laney's really been wanting her own rocker. It looked sturdy and cute. Until we put it together and she started sitting in it. The thing fell apart within a few days of usage. The screws loosen themselves and the seat falls out! This chair is cute, but not worth the price. Laney is a tiny thing at less than 30 pounds. The screws should not loosen up so easily. The plastic seemed to just give enough for the screws to strip out. After rocking/sitting for just a few days (Laney, not me) I was finding screws everywhere. Seems like a choking hazard to me. Little ones could easily get those screws in their mouth:( Buyers beware! This chair was a big disappointment!

Encouragement Came In The Mail

Things are hard right now. McNabb Land is not a cheerful place to be and I make terrible company. I've been sad since my dad left and worried about my mom. My girls have so many questions that I don't know how to answer. They just don't understand why grandpa doesn't want to be grandpa anymore. I don't understand either. I don't have all the answers they're needing. I don't have ANY of the answers they're needing. He didn't even call me on my birthday. I had called him a day or two before and invited him for a visit on my birthday. He said he'd come. He told me a time and sounded like he meant it. I waited all day. He never came. He never called. I feel foolish for wasting my tears, but I cried like a child. My heart shattered. I don't have a dad anymore. He chose this. Why are we the ones who have to suffer his mistakes? I was already dealing with Bobby's illness and Laney's issues, now this? How much can one person shoulder?
So I was feeling really down and sad. I've tried to pull myself out of this black hole mood I've been in. I've just been failing at it. I've felt a little rejected, unloved, uncared for. I've had some ugly thoughts and feelings. Thoughts too ugly to write or speak. But not today. Today I feel special and loved and cared for. Today I feel hope and strength. Today I feel worth loving. Today I found encouragement in my mailbox.
I was fortunate enough to win a book from Kate's blog. She was offering the book 'Life, In Spite of Me' and I felt led to read it. I was thrilled that I won and couldn't wait to get it. I expected to find hope inside those pages. I expected to find a beautiful message about God's love, about never being forgotten or left behind by HIM. I knew as I opened the package that I was looking someone who might understand. Hopefully, the book might provide that for me. It did. But it provided so much more than that. I'm not sure if Kate understood what her little notes would mean to me. I'm sure she could never IMAGINE what they would mean to me. I don't even have the words to describe it. All I can say is....thank you Kate. Finding your notes throughout the pages of my book was a blessing.

Is Anyone There?

It's been a long time since I published a post. I've written-but haven't really felt confident enough to hit that publish button. Maybe I won't this time either, but I just have to have an outlet right now. I just need to feel like someone's there for me. I've prayed a lot about the feelings and thoughts I've been having. I KNOW He listens.

My father left my mother last week. She woke up and he was gone. How do you walk away after 32 years of marriage? Not even a backwards glance. Just there one day and gone the next. I know I'm married and living my own life but I'm really upset about him leaving. I just don't understand him. I think he's being selfish. He hasn't called any of us. He's forgotten he has children and grandchildren that love him. He doesn't care that we are floored by his actions. He doesn't want to own his responsibilities anymore. He doesn't want us in his life. It angers me. It hurts me. He's hurting my girls. They don't understand why he left. They don't understand why he doesn't want to see them anymore. They don't understand why he's living with another woman who is not their grandmother. I can't help them understand because I don't understand it either. The fact is, daddy's do walk out, husband's do walk away. We don't have to like it or understand it. We just have to learn to accept it. He doesn't want us to be his family anymore. He wants to start over. He wants to move on. He's walked away and left mom not sure of what to do. Broke, and soon to be homeless. She's legally blind and can't even drive. He's left his 3 grown children to pick up the pieces while he enjoys himself-carefree. He's patting himself on the back right now. I'd like to knock him over the head.

Chiari Bites

I'm sorry that I've spent so much time lately avoiding my blog. I just really haven't had anything interesting to say. To be honest, I really haven't been much fun to be around!
I've spent the last few weeks watching all of Bobby's Chiari symptoms return....one by one until they are all back full force. The headaches bring him to his knees, the vertigo stops him in his tracks, the ringing in his ears has him gripping the sides of his head. He's even started passing out again. What worries me the most is his breathing and his heartrate though. His tachycardia and his chiari are connected because everytime his chiari symptoms return so does his rapid heart rate. Tachycardia is a symptom of Chiari, but Bobby also has ventricular tachycardia anyway. His heartrate is crazy enough without adding chiari symptoms to the mix. Friday he was standing in the kitchen talking to me one minute and the next minute he was silent. I looked up when I noticed that he had stopped talking-just in time to see him grab his chest and fall to the floor. He was pale and clammy. I kept shouting his name and asking him what was wrong but he didn't respond. I finally realized that I needed to call 911. Scared me AND the girls. We know that he's got an extremely elongated syrinx. It goes much further down his spine than it ever did before. We also know that before he had his surgery his oxygen was compromised because his brain stem was so compressed that it was cutting off a great deal of his oxygen supply. The most concerning for us after the decompression surgery was that the syrinx (from the syringomyelia) didn't fully drain like they expected it to. It has just continued to expand and elongate over time. He has way too much CSF. What we know now (after his most recent scans) is that the syrinx is going to need to be dealt with. He is also (most likely) going to need another decompression in the future.

I also know this.....we hate Chiari!

Laney's Song

I Live In Fear....

I never imagined that my life would turn out that way. I never saw myself as someone that would live in constant fear of ANYTHING. I try to think of myself as secure in who I am. A real take-charge kind of wife and mother. I know what I want and I make it happen (you know, if it's possible to make it happen!) instead of waiting around for someone else to do it for me. Had you asked me 2 years ago what I was afraid of I would have given you some naive answer like "bees, spiders, heights....usual stuff". If you asked me today what I am afraid of the answer would be alot different. I would tell you that I live in fear. I wake up with fear clutching my heart and I go to bed at night with so much fear inside me that I can feel it suffocating me. I wallow in it until it almost controls I fear things that I never even thought about or imagined 2 years ago.

It shames me to know that I have let fear take such a firm grip on me when I claim to have put my trust and faith in God. Only God knows my heart, my innermost thoughts and feelings. I pray that He will help me work through those fears and gift me with peace in the place of all the fear. But first I have to let those fears go....and I haven't really learned to do that yet.

How do I stop being afraid everytime Destiny isn't acting like Destiny. How do I stop that little thought from nudging it's way into my mind everytime she seems confused or complains of feeling dizzy? How do I stop myself from remembering that it's the same way she feels before she has a seizure or unexplainable fainting spell? How do I stop that panic I feel when Paisley starts wheezing and coughing....when her fever spikes....when she looks a little pale....when all she wants to do is sleep....when a call comes in and I see the a school number listed on the caller ID? What about when Delaney is sleeping? How do I stop sitting up half the night with my hand on her chest, feeling her heart beat, watching her chest rise and fall? How do I stop worrying or wondering when her heart will beat irregular? When will she talk? When will she walk without tripping and falling? When will all that therapy finally kick in and help her to enjoy touching and being touched? Will she ever enjoy touching and being touched? When will Bobby conquer Chiari? Will he ever? Will they ever find a cure? Will he have vertigo today when he wakes up? Will he have another one of those headaches that are so bad that I can't do anything but cry with him? Will he be okay today? Why is he having trouble breathing? He had trouble breathing when he was diagnosed. Why is he having all these symptoms? Why didn't his surgery fix all this? Does he need another surgery? Is Chiair coming back? Did it ever really go away? Does it ever really go away? Will it eventually kill him? Am I strong enough to handle everything? How can I take care of them? How can I help them? And the more selfish thought....what about me? When's it my turn to be taken care of? So many thoughts and fears. How do I make it stop?

Mother's Day 2010

I had a fabulous Mother's Day. We spent the day at home, just the five of us. The day was very relaxed. I did a little work around the house and then spent most of the day just playing with the girls. They surprised me with a new cell phone:) My old cell phone was worn out, and I've been wanting a Blackberry. Bobby had already told me that he checked with the cell phone company and that it was going to cost too much to upgrade my phone. He told me to pick something else for Mother's Day. I couldn't really think of anything else that I needed or wanted, so I told him that all I wanted for Mother's Day was to be able to spend the entire day together as a family. I was surprised and really happy when I got my family day AND my Blackberry:) Later in the afternoon I got to go grocery shopping ALONE. Seriously, that was a treat! While I was gone Bobby and the girls did some major cleaning and when I walked in the house I thought I was in the wrong place. They cleaned the kitchen counters, put away the dishes I had washed earlier, cleaned the bathroom, and even mopped the floors! Then, they made me dinner and it was SO good. We had spaghetti, bread, and salad (one of my favorite meals!) and the best part about it was I didn't have to lift a finger to help. I've never felt so appreciated and loved as I did yesterday:)

How was your Mother's Day?

Did You Know.....

....you can find me on Facebook? I don't think I've ever mentioned that before:)

If you want to get play-by-play happenings in McNabb Land (or just view pictures)you can request me as a friend on Facebook:) But only if you want too....

Just click on the badge in the left sidebar!

Yesterday

Yesterday was super busy for me and I never found the time to post any pictures of Laney:( Today, my pictures won't load. I'll try again a little later when I have more time to mess with it.

We did OT and speech yesterday morning and then came home for a nap (Laney napped-I cleaned!) In the afternoon we went back and did PT and then had an appointment with Orthopedics. They measured Laney's legs from hip to foot and told me that her right hip sits a little over 1cm higher than her left hip. This is causing her to rotate her hips when she walks. I'm going to take her back for some more xrays and to discuss what we need to do to about it. We'll just have to wait and see, but for now, I think this means we won't be doing the braces or AFO's that we were planning. I know that sometimes the bones just grow at a different pace and I've heard of kids outgrowing those differences. Maybe that's what will happen and we won't need to do anything to drastic. Maybe she'll have to wear those shoes that help make up the difference in length? I'll be sure to post what we find out when we take her back:)

Long, Hard Day

Well, this long hard day is coming to an end. I'm honestly glad to see it ending. We had Pop's services today. We chose to combine everything in to just one day. My eyes are still burning from all the crying I did today and I have a horrible headache. The funeral service was small, but nice. The music (we used some CD's we collected) was beautiful and very fitting for the kind of man that Pop was. I know he must have been smiling down at us. Laney's got therapy appointments spread out pretty much all day tomorrow. She will also be getting fitted by orthopedics for her braces. Bobby goes back to the neurosurgeon on Thursday and we'll find out more about the results from his latest CT scan and where we need to go from here as far as his Chiari malformation and Syringomyelia goes. I take Laney back to the cardiologist next week and we'll be checking in on her murmurs and her SVT. I think she'll be doing another 24 hrs. with the holter monitor. Maybe life in McNabb Land will eventually slow down.....
I'm really tired tonight, so I think that's really all that I have to say for now.
I'll try to post some pictures of Laney after therapy tomorrow:)
Hugs to you all and thanks for the happy thoughts sent my way today!

It's Going To Be A Hard Day

Pop's funeral visitation for family and friends is today. We'll be leaving a little later in the morning to make the drive. If you can, will you send good thoughts our way today?

Some Pictures

I had a few minutes to spare so I figured (as promised) I'd go ahead and post some pictures of my hair and Laney's new puppy, Cocoa.

Please overlook my tongue hanging out and the luggage under my eyes.

Venting

I've come here to vent. I apologize in advance for this post, it may or may not make any sense.
The last few weeks have been hard. I've been stuck in a black hole of what I can only think to call depression. I've been trying to kick and claw my way out, but I've not really made much headway.
Last week I requested prayers for my family. The reason I did that is because my grandfather was ill and my dad was taking it really hard. I tried to be there for him as much as I could, but that's really hard when I already have too much on my plate. I did my best and was there when it mattered the most.
Friday I got a call from my dad. Pop's (that's what I call my grandfather) blood pressure was dropping. It was like 55/35. Dad was so upset and said that they were going to raise the level on morphine and that after that happened....he would most likely pass within a short time. I hung up the phone and prayed. Then I jumped in my car and drove that hour long drive as fast as I could. I made it when it mattered most. I keep telling myself that. I made it. I walked in the room at the hospital and I could tell that it wasn't going to be long. I had prayed the whole way that he would still be alive when I got there. I just didn't want my daddy to be alone in his grief. I made it when it mattered most. I wasn't expecting to feel so much grief myself. Watching Pop pass was the most peaceful and beautiful thing I've ever witnessed. No more pain, no more suffering. Just peace. His face was alight with a smile as the Lord welcomed him home. Seriously. He smiled as he took his last breaths and I feel blessed to have been there to see it. I also feel like I've been rocked to my core. Pop was a man that was larger than life and it seems strange to wake every morning to realize that he is gone. Those who loved him are at a loss of what to do, how to deal. Then there's all the plans. All the arrangements that have to be made. Where do we start. How can we afford it? His insurance covered alot, but there's still alot that insurance wouldn't pay for. His policy wasn't big enough. I can't tell you how many tears have been cried since we realized that we can't afford to pay it. This is where the venting comes in. I'm angry. Angry at circumstance I guess you could say. Angry that we have to worry about money while feeling this ocean of grief. We've cut back on everything we can thing to cut back on. We cut Pop's hair and shaved his face ourselves. Saved a little bit of money there. There will be no flowers at his service. That makes me sad, but we are a small family and we just couldn't afford it. The arrangement of flowers atop a casket at a funeral costs around $200. Flowers are an expense that we just can not afford. It makes me sad. I've never been to a funeral that didn't have flowers. We did a basic obituary and that was over $100. I never realized that they charge for stuff like that. His suit was $7 at the salvation army store. Pop wouldn't have cared. We can't afford music. We can't afford music?! Did you know they charge for that? We couldn't even pay for the bereavement wreath. We can't afford much of anything. I know it's not about the extras, but I'm not really worried about the extras. Not having the extras makes me sad, but that's okay. I'd be sad no matter what. The thing is, we can't bury him until we've come up with the money to pay for the casket and the burial plot. They won't even break ground on the plot until we've paid. I just don't know what we're going to do. He wanted to be buried close to grandma and my uncle. How are we going to be able to honor his wishes? It just makes me sad.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Feels like it's been forever since my last real post. I've tried to post on here so many times in the last little while, but I just end up with a blank screen and a feeling of failure. I've just felt so dark and depressed. There's alot of "junk" going on around here, but I'll spare you most of the details. None of it matters anyway.
There have been days when I had to force myself to get out of bed. There have been days when I couldn't even make myself get out of bed and so I laid there all day looking at the ceiling or the wall. I just have this "blah" feeling. This feeling that I need to cry instead of smile. Call it a pity party, or depression, or whatever....it just stinks. I'm working at fixing that.

I went to the salon and had my hair done. Got a short cut with layers. Now I can't even get a ponytail out of what's left:) Great way to force me to fix it in the mornings. I got highlights too. Nothing really drastic, just different from the same old drabby/frumpy me that I'm used to seeing when I look in the mirror.

Delaney got a new puppy. This makes four that we have now (in case you lost count!) Our house is chock full of chihuahuas now. (I love that phrase-but can't take credit for it. Thank you, SkippyJon Jones) She calls her little pup Co-co, or Cocoa. Wait til she learns to spell and then I'll ask her which is the correct way. Until then, it's just Co-co pup. Reminds me of the cereal, Cocoa puffs. Great, now I'm hungry. For some reason, all of our four-legged, furry babies end up with food names. Sugar, honey, tater, cocoa....sounds like a weird recipe to me. Or maybe it's just suitable for the residents of McNabb Land.

Still haven't come up with any idea of what to review for CSN. I've noticed that alot of the blogs I read are doing reviews for them as well. I've been watching to see what they select, hoping to get ideas. No luck yet. The girls are having trouble agreeing on one item. They all want something different. I guess that means that I'll have to pick something that everyone can enjoy.

Paisley had a field trip to Chattanooga yesterday. We went to the Creative Discovery Museum. I always chaperone their trips. She had fun, and I got to watch 6 girls and 4 boys (the group we were in charge of) run around like little crazy people. It's a shame that I was the only parent that signed up to chaperone her class. A smaller group to be in charge of would have made it easier to spend time with Paisley. I dragged (drug?!) my sister along with me. Come to think of it, she goes on all of their field trips too (I love you sissy-poo!)

If you think of it, and feel led to do so, could you please say a little prayer for my dad? He's going thru a hard time right now. I'm worried about him, my mom, my brother. Just worried about everything, I guess. Your prayers would be appreciated:)

Hugs to you all. I'm sorry I haven't been commenting on your blogs lately. I do still read everything, I just feel so "blah" that I can't really think of anything good to say to anyone. I do still think of all of my blogging friends often though, and am so glad to have you all in my life.