I'm Baaaaaaack

Is anyone still there? (Cue the chirping crickets.) It has been WAY too long since my last post and I'm sorry. I never planned to be idle for so long, but I didn't have anything nice to say, and momma always said......well, you most likely know what momma said. Anyhow. Let's get right down to business, shall we?

The girls are growing like weeds. If my Destiny gets any taller I'm going to be looking up to her. I'm thinking it won't be long before I'm needing a step stool to fix her hair. My Paisley is not far behind and is only 4 pounds lighter than her elder sis. Then there's my little Moosey. My sweet girl is looking less like my baby and more like a big girl with each new day. I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to freeze time, slow it down, or rewind it a little. Of course, I'm not having much luck with that process... Yet. And ohmygosh! You should hear her. She talks all the time. Seriously. All the time. I'm not implying that you can ALWAYS understand her, but she is talking. That's more than I could say a year ago. It's so hard to believe that she just turned 4 in November. Seems like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms watching her sleep. (Ok, so technically it was just yesterday. She is still quite the little momma's girl!)

We have settled in nicely to our new home. The girls enjoy the extra space and the big yard they have to play in now. We spent almost all Summer outside. We have fantastic neighbors that spoil the kids and I rotten with all the attention they give us. Having them next door makes me feel safe while Bobby is at work (which is all the time these days!) We are blessed to have them in our new McNabb Land:) Yes, we have awesome next door neighbors! Now, the man that lives in front of us??? He's CRAZY!!! I have several problems with him, but I'm too much of a lady to type such ugly words and this is a family blog! I just do my best to keep him away from my girls....his potty-mouth is the best feature he has if that tells you anything!!! We really got involved in making our first Christmas here a memorable one. We decked the halls, the walls, and anything else we could get lights or ornaments to hang on! This was the first year that Delaney got really excited about any of the holidays. She is still going around telling everyone she meets, "Muwwy Kissmas!!" (She was pretty excited about her birthday, too, which was November 30. When we told her "happy birthday" she said it back to us. That girl is just a mess.)

My Moosey-girl continues to attend therapy (going on 3 years this April!) and is making steady progress in all areas. I long for the day that they release her and we can make a new kind of normal that doesn't include spending a couple hours per day, several days a week in a rehab center. (We've made some great friends there and always meet interesting new people so I won't complain.) Her speech therapy is paying off and I love to listen to her talking and singing with her sisters. I'm so proud of how hard she is working. In May, she was assigned a new PT, Ashley, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much better my girl does with PT now that Ashley is working with her. They just seemed to "click" right from the first day working together and my girl has been showing rapid improvement since. She isn't stumbling or falling as often as before, and you can hardly tell a difference in muscle tone when she walks now. That little "hitch" is slowly being worked out of her step as she learns new stretches and sitting positions. She continues to enjoy her aquatic therapy, as well, and I really think the work they do with her in the pool is the real reason why we are seeing such an improvement in her balance. My little Moose is making such great strides:)

The girls are still enjoying homeschool and this year has been alot easier for us, as compared to last year. Last year I was so new at it and not very confident when it came to teaching them. I was just so afraid of screwing them up. They have actually made it up to grade level now, and really seem to WANT to learn now. Destiny hasn't had any of the old "performance anxiety" she was having in school during testing and Paisley is getting a little better about sitting still long enough to learn. We just go with the flow most days and try to fit a little fun in there with the learning:) I've discovered we all do better with less structure and more hands-on.

More updates to come soon.........

Catching Up

So many things have been going on during my blogging hiatus. I wish I could say that my reason for abandoning my blog for the last few months was entirely due to the fact that the girls have kept me insanely busy. I guess you could say that statement is partly true. The girls and I led very full lives this summer. We were constantly off finding new adventures. But mostly, I took a break from blogging because I really just didn't want to share some of the sour details of my life and, without sharing those details, there was no way for me to blog honestly.
I've always tried to be open and honest with my feelings on here. When I started this blog it was to find an outlet for my fears, frustrations, and thoughts. I needed to be able to open up my heart and pour out it's contents in a healthy way. Up until the day that I started this blog, I was the "bottling type." I kept all my feelings bottled up until I just felt like screaming. Blogging was a way to help me let it all out without hurting someone! :) Once I opened up, I realized how good it really felt to not let all the junk build up. I never imagined the friendships I would find when I entered the blogging world. I have been blessed with some really awesome friends in this community. It is for that reason that I took a break from my blog. So many things have happened in McNabb Land that I needed to sort through on my own before posting anything on here. I didn't feel right about pretending that everything was going great for us here when in actuality, things aren't that great. I just wasn't ready to talk about it. Maybe I am now. We'll find out.

One of the last things I blogged before my break was the situation with my parents. When my dad left my mom I had a really difficult time dealing with the fall out. My girls were hurting and couldn't understand what was going on. But honestly, I was hurt. When my dad left so suddenly he pretty much cut all ties with all of us. It broke my heart to know that he could just disappear so easily from my life. It is an ache that will never completely heal....even though they were able to work it out 3 months later when he moved back home. I'm still working on forgiveness.

Shortly after my parents marriage fell apart, my own marriage started to crumble as well. Things just sort of fell apart. Bobby is a good man and an excellent father, but he is not the same man that I traded vows with 10 years ago. I started to reach a point where I was spending more time crying than rejoicing. We were fighting and calling each other names that weren't appropriate for little ears to hear. He'd become very controlling and hateful. I just couldn't live like that. Didn't want my girls to live like that either. We decided to take a break from the fighting and from each other. I just want to be happy again. Where do we stand now? I'm not sure. Do we try to work it out? Can a crumbling marriage really be saved? I like to think so. I do know that kids can't save a marriage. Staying together for the sake of our children is not something I would ever consider. My most vivid memories of my own childhood include constantly hearing my parents utter, "if we didn't have kids, I'd be gone" or "just as soon as the kids turn 18 I'm leaving" or "I'm only here because of the kids" and I swore to myself that I would never put my children through that. If my marriage survives it will be because I love my husband and want to be with him, not because I love my kids and want them to have a two parent family. At this point, divorce is not an option. We've weathered bigger storms and I think we can weather this storm as well. WE just have to both be willing to work at it. I'm not ready to give up yet. Don't know that I will ever be willing to give up.

Enough talk about my marital drama! We did have some fun this summer and I can't wait to post some new pictures. My girls are getting so big!

I Live In Fear....

I never imagined that my life would turn out that way. I never saw myself as someone that would live in constant fear of ANYTHING. I try to think of myself as secure in who I am. A real take-charge kind of wife and mother. I know what I want and I make it happen (you know, if it's possible to make it happen!) instead of waiting around for someone else to do it for me. Had you asked me 2 years ago what I was afraid of I would have given you some naive answer like "bees, spiders, heights....usual stuff". If you asked me today what I am afraid of the answer would be alot different. I would tell you that I live in fear. I wake up with fear clutching my heart and I go to bed at night with so much fear inside me that I can feel it suffocating me. I wallow in it until it almost controls I fear things that I never even thought about or imagined 2 years ago.

It shames me to know that I have let fear take such a firm grip on me when I claim to have put my trust and faith in God. Only God knows my heart, my innermost thoughts and feelings. I pray that He will help me work through those fears and gift me with peace in the place of all the fear. But first I have to let those fears go....and I haven't really learned to do that yet.

How do I stop being afraid everytime Destiny isn't acting like Destiny. How do I stop that little thought from nudging it's way into my mind everytime she seems confused or complains of feeling dizzy? How do I stop myself from remembering that it's the same way she feels before she has a seizure or unexplainable fainting spell? How do I stop that panic I feel when Paisley starts wheezing and coughing....when her fever spikes....when she looks a little pale....when all she wants to do is sleep....when a call comes in and I see the a school number listed on the caller ID? What about when Delaney is sleeping? How do I stop sitting up half the night with my hand on her chest, feeling her heart beat, watching her chest rise and fall? How do I stop worrying or wondering when her heart will beat irregular? When will she talk? When will she walk without tripping and falling? When will all that therapy finally kick in and help her to enjoy touching and being touched? Will she ever enjoy touching and being touched? When will Bobby conquer Chiari? Will he ever? Will they ever find a cure? Will he have vertigo today when he wakes up? Will he have another one of those headaches that are so bad that I can't do anything but cry with him? Will he be okay today? Why is he having trouble breathing? He had trouble breathing when he was diagnosed. Why is he having all these symptoms? Why didn't his surgery fix all this? Does he need another surgery? Is Chiair coming back? Did it ever really go away? Does it ever really go away? Will it eventually kill him? Am I strong enough to handle everything? How can I take care of them? How can I help them? And the more selfish thought....what about me? When's it my turn to be taken care of? So many thoughts and fears. How do I make it stop?

I Overslept

I woke up to the alarm blaring in my ear and a feeling of panic in my chest. Oh no! I overslept! I think I was running thru the house before my feet actually even hit the floor, waking the girls and throwing school clothing at them while I scrambled to put together some decent lunches. I hurried to pack their backpacks and searched for that library book that I KNOW was laying in the table just last night. Breathing a sigh of relief, I ushered the out the door...just in time. Their breakfast this morning? SunnyD and Ruffles. Lol. At least they got to eat SOMETHING, right?
I hate oversleeping. Even if it was only 15 minutes over. Messes up my whole schedule.

I guess the girls weren't suffering from school-itis yesterday. I'm pretty sure that's not contagious. They didn't seem to feel too horrible as they were playing ALL DAY yesterday and the fevers were gone before lunch time. However, Delaney was up half the night with a fever and some crankiness. Her skin was hot to touch and she was shivering. I dosed her with tylenol and just held her in my arms while she tried to get comfortable enough to sleep again. Sometime around 5am I must have dozed off. Yawn. I'm sleepy this morning, but there's so much to be done. If I can break her fever, she has therapy today. If the fever persists, I guess we'll just skip therapy, but there's still all the other things that need to be done. I'll probably try to take a nap today-if she naps. I hope she naps.

Howdy Friends:)

I've not been a very good blogger lately. Feels like there's not enough hours in the day to get everything done. I try to blog, really, I do. Lately though, I just end up staring at a blank screen. I have lots of things to talk about, but I'm just too tired to type it all in. I'll try to give you as much of an update as I can manage.

• Still working on the girls' room.


• Laney still has really yucky staph infected eyes.


• Destiny has an ear infection.


• Paisley is doing well.


• My brother was released from the hospital.


• Taking Laney to Chattanooga next week to see her eye specialist.


• Thinking about painting my living room after I get done with their bedroom.


• Just found out I'm going to be an aunt again (my SIL is 6 weeks pregnant.)


• didn't celebrate Valentine's Day....went on a family outing to the mall and Toys R Us.


• made some new hairbows for my pretty girls.


• thinking about going to Hobby Lobby after therapy tomorrow.

Well, that's all I got. Please forgive me for not commenting too much lately. I am reading, just haven't had alot to say. There's a lot of stuff going on here that I wish I could tell you about, but it's really a little too personal to share right now. I hope to climb out of my mountain of stress soon.

(((HUGS)))

Valentines, Bedspreads, and Staph, Oh My!

McNabb Land is crazy today.

School is out for a 4 day weekend.

The girls had Valentine parties at school yesterday. Mamaw Joyce and Papaw Arnold (not really related to us, just very dear friends) sent them roses and balloons to school. Delaney got roses and balloons too:)

Today is my baby brother's 18th birthday, but he's in the hospital. Come home, soon little brother! I love you:)

Delaney started getting sick on Wednesday night. She's got a staph infection in her eyes....again. Her tear ducts are blocked....again. I'm waiting on the doctor to call me with details for an appointment date to her eye specialist. Wonder if they'll have to probe her eyes....again? Who knows?

I'm tired and feeling like I could use a nap. If I was a betting woman, which I'm not, I'd bet I won't get a nap until the kids are all 18 or older. Ha!

Found some really cute bedding for the girls' room. Felt like I'd seen it somewhere before. Suddenly remembered that I had. In pictures. On a blog. Wonder if Mimi would think I'm a stalker if I duplicated her bedroom design ideas after asking her where she bought some of the decor at? Interestingly enough, I NEVER thought to inquire about the bedding sets:)

Watching the snow fall. Didn't even know it was in the forecast. I'm ready for Spring.

How Do You Know?

How do you know when mom is sick?

-when every dish in the house is dirty and you have to start hiding pots and pans in the oven because you've run out of counter space and the sinks are filled to capacity

-when the hampers are full of laundry that needs to be washed, but the washer is empty and gathering dust

-when the floors are littered with cookie crumbs and stray papers-yet the broom and the vacuum seem to have taken permanent residence in the broom closet

-when people walk in your front door and their initial reaction is to shout, "oh, call the police, you've been robbed!!!"

-when dinner is "whatever you can find in the refrigerator"

On a brighter note......everyone else is still relatively healthy....SO FAR:)

A Rainbow For Jenny...And Some Rambling

Do you see it, Jenny?! I instantly thought of you and Isaiah:)
My girls started back to school yesterday (Tuesday, 1/5/10) and I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't hard to send them back. I really enjoyed having them home with me for Winter break. Delaney and I both got a little teary eyed after they left for school. Then we went to therapy. Ah, back to normal living. Business as usual. Now if we could just stop Bobby from hanging around all the time....imagine that! Just me and my Laneybug hangin' out all by ourselves.

Delaney is trying some new things in therapy now. I've always taken her to therapy and sat in with them, watching her every move, tracking her progress. You know, just doing the whole "mommy thing." Well, they decided that I am hindering her progress (aka baby-ing her too much) and that Laney would do better without me in the room. Can you believe it? I mean, really. It's downright cruel to pull a baby away from her momma while she's screaming and crying and begging and pleading. I mean me. Delaney's fine with it. Me? not-so-much! ***Sniffles*** I'll be okay. I need to learn to let go a little. Be a little less clingy. Or not. I guess I could just shop around for a new therapist:)

I'm still feeling yucky from this nasty flu I've been fighting with. I hope to feel better in the next few days:) I've got alot going on this week. Paisley has tutoring after school (2 days), Destiny has counseling, Laney has 2 more days of therapy and a home visit on Friday. I'm also planning to get started on some hairbows for two special little girls as soon as I am feeling up to it. Right now they are just in the "idea" stage. I haven't really had time or the desire to "create" anything since finishing the girls' Christmas dresses and bows, but I do have some pretty good ideas for those special bows I plan to make. I hope to have them made and shipped by the end of the month:)

Well, thats's all I got for this post. Tune in next time for a *hopefully* healthier Kaleena.

Happy Blog-a-versary

Today is my one year Blog-a-versary!!! I can't believe it's been a year! I'm so glad that I've had the chance to spend the last year getting to know all of you:) Thank you for taking the time to read about my little life in McNabb Land. I'm so lucky to have you as my friend!

Hand-Stitched With Love

Here they are, my beautiful girls in the dresses I made them for Christmas:) What do you think? I made the hairbows too, but I don't think you can really see them in these pictures. Delaney also has a diaper cover (like a little pair of panties!) under her dress. I didn't take any pictures of the diaper cover, but I will try to get a picture of it when I put the dresses on them again for Christmas:)

I Ran Away

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

I ran away. I just couldn't stand feeling the way I've been feeling. Trapped is a good way to describe it. Trapped in circumstances that I have no control over. I'm just one of those people that can't stand feeling out of control. I've felt so lost for so long. I know my family depends on me, but what good am I to them if I feel this way. What good am I if I can't find myself anymore. So, that's what I did. I hopped in the car with my sister and I ran away to find ME again. I took my camera and left home at 4am and decided that I wasn't coming back until I had time to clear my mind. I knew it could take me hours (days really) but I had to find myself. We set out in the dark and drove until we felt like stopping. I really had no clear idea of where I would end up. I don't think I cared-just as long as I could outrun the thoughts that have been littering my mind for weeks now. You know what I discovered? You really can't outrun your thoughts. You just kind of take them with you when you go. Did I find myself? Sort of. Turns out, I've been here all along. I'm tired and I'm constantly busy, and I'm feeling selfish for wanting it to be all about me every once in awhile. Truth be told, I don't think running away solved anything. Watching the sunrise over the mountains certainly didn't help me find the answers or solutions I've been searching for. I know that there are no easy answers or a quick fix for life's little bumps. No, escaping to God's country certainly didn't solve anything, but it sure didn't stop me from enjoying the view!

Blah!

That's how I feel today. Just blah. I still haven't gotten any sleep. What's that old saying? No rest for the weary. There's so much going on here right now. We're dealing with alot of things right now. I feel like I'm trying to juggle too much right now. I've tried not to blog about certain things here lately. I've reached a point where I feel like all I ever blog about is the negative in McNabb Land. I've tried really hard lately to censor myself and only blog with humor or talk only about good things. Thinking about that now though, it feels a bit strange to me. Is it fair to feel like I need to censor myself on my own blog? The purpose I had when starting this blog was for me to have a place to go where I could just "let it all out." We were just trying to make it through some really hard times and I needed a place where I could vent. My husband was recovering from brain surgery and heart surgery, we were just getting started with figuring out all of Delaney's medical jargon, my older girls were having a rough time understanding anything that was happening in their lives, and I felt like I was treading water and barely managing to stay afloat. I honestly felt lost and thought that this blog would be a good place to go to find myself (and maybe make a few friends along the way.) The reality is: Life is hard in McNabb Land, but I also have SO MUCH to be thankful for. I am blessed with this really awesome little family. I make it a daily habit to count my blessings. Sometimes I just need to give myself a little reminder of the blessings in my life. I promise you, I KNOW that I am far luckier than some. No matter what we are dealing with-it can always get worse. There are so many people out there who have much bigger problems than my own. I spend alot of time on my knees thanking God for what we have and praying for Him to give others just a bit of the happiness and love that I have been blessed with. I spend alot of time on my knees praying for all of you! Will you pray for me? I just feel so "blah" today.

I Should Be Sleeping

So here I am, wide-awake, at 3:20 Thursday morning. I am getting a little tired of this insomnia that seems to come and go. I sleep fine at night for weeks at a time and then WHAM!!!! Insomnia is back and I'm lucky to get an hour or two of sleep each night. You may be wondering what I do in the middle of the night while the rest of McNabb Land is sleeping. Then again, you may not care. Humor me and feign interest. It's 3:24 a.m. and I got nothing better to do. Some things I do to amuse myself:

-Google everyone I know. It's amazing the things you can learn about a person just from Google. Does that sound stalker-ish? I promise I only Google people I know IRL (in real life). I know that's comforting to those of you that don't know me IRL. My apologies to those of you who do:)

-write my letter to Santa. After all, Christmas is just around the corner and I like to be prepared.

-write my acceptance speech for that "Mother of the Year" award that I just know I'll receive someday. A real tear-jerker, in which I thank the 3 "little people" for making this day possible. And Sara Lee for making cheese cake. Cuz I LOVE a good cheese cake.

-learn Irish step dancing. Outside, in the garage, where my blundering (is that a word?) won't wake up all of McNabb Land.

-call my sister (even though all sane people are asleep at this time). It's so funny when she answers her phone in that groggy, sleep-deprived voice. I get giddy just thinking about it. She is NOT amused to discover that it is me on the line. "I got up for a glass of milk. What did YOU get up for?" Cracks me up. My sister just doesn't seem to "get" my humor at 3 a.m. I'll spare you the ugly reply I got from her. Some people are just rude. By now, you are probably glad that I don't have your phone number.

-dust off my German speaking skills.
Ich muß wirklich ein Hobby. (I really need a hobby).
Jeder andere zu ungewöhnlichen Zeiten zu sprechen Deutsch? (Anyone else speak German at odd hours?)
Ich glaube, ich kann verrückt sein. (I think I may be crazy)
Entschuldigen Sie, haben Sie gesehen, mein Elch? (Excuse me, have you seen my moose?)

-Put up my Christmas decor. Almost got away with it too, until I fell out of the attic and woke up that cranky husband. Apparently I need to learn not to scream when I am falling off a ladder. Maybe I just should learn not to fall off ladders? He said there was NO WAY that I am going outside to hang lights on the house at this time of the night. Muttered something about how he didn't want the ambulance to wake the kids after I fall off the roof. Sometimes he can be such a stick in the mud.

So now, here I am. Laying on the floor under the kitchen table. Don't ask. Maybe I'll go give sleep one more try.

Ironing Out My Days....And Other Things

I think I've finally reached a point where I have a SET weekly schedule. I carry my weekly planner with me everywhere I go and I program my appointments into my cell phone. I live in fear of missing something I have scheduled. You can call me obsessed with being punctual. Really-go ahead-call me obsessed. I admit it. I've been working with my people (you see that? I have people! LOL) on scheduling my MANY weekly appointments on the same day every week. That way, I don't show up at the wrong place, on the wrong day, with the wrong child. Not that I ever do that or anything. I would NEVER do that. That's just not how I roll. Sense the sarcasm yet? Anyway....here is my new week at a glance. You know, in case you're interested. Maybe you wanna tag along. Or not.

Monday: Destiny's therapy for anxiety, Laney to OT

Tuesday: Paisley's tutoring, Laney's PT

Wednesday: Paisley's tutoring, Laney's TEIS, Laney's speech Therapy, allergy shots for Paisley and me

Thursday: Laney's OT and PT

Friday: Allergy shots for Paisley and me, Laney's speech therapy

Sound complicated? Not really. Just busy and lots of driving. What's really fun is trying to fit in the regular appointments and follow-up appointments for Paisley's pulmonologist and allergist office visits, Laney's GI specialist, Bobby's Neurologist and Cardiologist, and Destiny's Cardiologist. Not to mention trying to find the time for follow-ups with pediatricians and plain old sick appointments when one of us is ill. Good times, good times! Anyone wanna come help out? Please.
♥♥♥♥♥♥So, I lied about posting some new pics of the girls. I really meant too. I just had such a busy weekend that I never got around to posting them. Would you believe that weekends around McNabb Land are INSANE!?! I'm the only driver in the family (Bobby doesn't have a license. Did I ever mention that?) and I'm constantly on the go. My car and I are like peas in a pod.
♥♥♥♥♥♥Paisley lost her top/front tooth this week. She looks like a pumpkin when she smiles! It's so cute. Bobby is working this week. He's been laid off quite a bit in recent months. I'm hoping that he gets to put in some decent hours from now until at least Christmas (hopefully longer!!!) so that we can start our Christmas shopping. Destiny is doing good in school. I'm probably jinxing myself by saying that we've not had any tears when trying to send her to school in the mornings. Delaney is getting along pretty good. She's been busy with therapy and follow-ups from her last two surgeries. She's doing great since her tummy surgery. Her pain seems completely gone. She has an ear infection right now and isn't sleeping very good at night. She always has trouble with her ears. Can't hardly believe that the baby girl will be celebrating her 2nd birthday next month (Nov. 30th). Where has the time gone? Seems like only yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital. I miss her being that small, but she's such a fun toddler and I really enjoy watching her grow and learn. I'm doing okay these days too. I got alot of Fall cleaning done this weekend. My house was a mess. I'm glad to have that out of the way. I haven't had any luck with getting a new prescription for my blood pressure meds. My allergy to ACE inhibitors makes it difficult to find the right one for me. I have an appointment next week with my doctor so hopefully she'll come up with something by then. I also have to avoid beta blockers and -ARBS (whatever that means) because of my allergies. I pray that whatever new BP medicine they put me on doesn't affect me like this last one did! I'm SO OVER anaphylactic reactions. It's really not any fun to be intubated.

I'm sorry this post is so boring. I hope everyone has a great week! I'll TRY to post some pictures later, when I find the time to pick out some good ones! Happy Fall Y'all!!!! Smiles from McNabb Land!

Camping

I bet you didn't know that I started out my married life in a camper. We lived in a camper (yes, the kind you take vacations in) longer than I care to remember. It was small, it was cramped, it was FREEZING in the winter and HOT in the summer. I remember being pregnant with Destiny in that camper. I was miserable and it was miserably hot and I hated it. The only way to keep cool was to remove your clothing. Sorry, I know that's more than you EVER wanted to know, but it's true. I was quite anti-social back then, out of necessity. If I had company, then I had to wear clothes. No visitors=no clothes. I felt like I was living in one of those nudist places. Seemed like my hubby was never home. To this day I swear he was off avoiding having to come home to a sweaty, half-naked, pregnant wife! Anywho, I think I've forgotten the point of this story.
Oh yeah, there it is. Camping all day everyday is NOT FUN AT ALL. Can it even be considered camping if you actually LIVE in a camper?! It's not like we hauled it around to different locations or anything, you know, to see the sights, travel the world? Nope. I couldn't get that lucky. Our first home was parked in my mother-in-law's driveway. No joke. I could look out my little camper window and see into their kitchen. Must have been hot in their house too. I'm sad to say I could most likely pick my father-in-law's backside out of a police line up with little or no effort at all. We bought them some window blinds for their kitchen not long after my nightmares started. But there I go again, losing my point.
Oh yeah, so as fun as I make this whole "living/camping thing" it really wasn't all that bad. In hindsight. Of course, back then, it was terrible and I hated it. Our camper had no phone (can you BELIEVE IT? no phone in a camper! What is the world coming to?), no cable tv, no internet, and no washer or dryer. But let's focus for a minute, on what it DID have. We had a stove, fridge, table, full bed, small sofa, and a rather nice and comfy chair. We had a tiny closet in one room and an even tinier closet in the bathroom. Oh, and we had a bathroom! It had a toilet, a sink, and a teeny, tiny, tub. It was a cute little tub, but not really one designed for those long, relaxing baths that a girl just NEEDS sometimes. As a matter or fact, it wasn't even big enough to sit in so....
I guess I should call it a really deep shower stall. Anyway, our mansion on wheels was comfy enough (I guess) until baby makes 3. Let me just tell you, bringing a baby home to live in a camper is really an eye opening experience. We took out the kitchen table, put the sofa and chair in the kitchen and put the crib in the living room. That way, Destiny would be closer to us when we were asleep in our bedroom. It was a nice thought anyway. Where did Destiny actually end up sleeping? In a drawer in our bedroom! It was kind of funny (almost) when we'd get up to go to the bathroom at night. We had to push the drawer to the bureau closed to get out the door. There she was, closed up, snug as a bug in a rug, in her little dresser. When she was 3 months old, we ending our camping trip and moved into an apartment. We had 2 good spacious bedrooms and a rather large kitchen. We also had 2 bathrooms. It was like living in a mansion after camping out for so long. Destiny's little bedroom was right across from ours, so we put her little crib in her own room with the greatest intentions. So, where did Destiny end up sleeping? In a laundry basket, of course. Right beside our bed. It was nice, and I'm sure it beat sleeping in a drawer. It was a basket with a view. Such a big step up! Having all that extra space in our apartment was nice, but would you believe we actually missed our camper?! It had become home to us and we really missed that "homey" feeling. We lived in our apartment for about a year before relocating again. After the apartment, we lived with the in-laws for awhile, while they finished building their new home. My husband's childhood home was perfect for us (minus the in-laws who still lived there too) and we were very happy to be there. His childhood home became OUR family home on Christmas Eve 2002. The in-laws moved out and we moved the rest of our furniture in. We have lived here, in his childhood home, since then. It's really the only home that our girls have ever known. It's got that "coming home feeling" to it. Always has, I guess. But there are just some days, like today, when the girls are at school and Laney is napping and hubby is at work. There are some days, when I'm all alone in this quiet little house, that I really just long for those simple days when we lived in our little camper in the yard.

Busy As Usual

The last few days have been busy, as usual, here at McNabb Land. The week has barely started and, already, I am exhausted. I've been dealing with this stupid vertigo and it's really making my life crazy. I don't even remember what it feels like not to have vertigo. I've lost count of how many times I have fallen in the last week. I start off walking straight and the next thing I know, I've lost my footing and am falling. My dogs have learned to stay away from me and poor little Laney is catching on to the fact that, just maybe, she ought to stay out from under foot too. I guess they are all probably tired of me falling on them! My doctor says that it looks like I had a mini-stroke. That's why I had to go have the CT scan today. He says it's kind of like a warning that I need to "chill" before I end up having a "major" stroke. My blood pressure has been crazy high lately. I've been taking my blood pressure medicine every day. I've just been so stressed to the point that my meds don't seem to be working. I've had so many worries and so much on my mind that it's not really a shock that my BP has been elevated. I guess I will have to "chill" as he said. I really don't want to have a serious stroke. Doc also informs me that this vertigo is probably here to stay and I'll just have to learn to cope with it. It seems to get better for awhile and then drops back in when I least expect it. Like, when I'm driving down the highway on my way to (yet another) appointment. That's REAL fun. Ever try driving while you feel like your head is spinning around in circles? I don't really recommend it!

My dear husband is out of work...AGAIN. It seems like everytime they say that the economy is improving...HA! I've been in a panic over all things financial. This time, he has no unemployment benefits. We reached the limit on that last time he was laid off. He's driving me crazy staying home with me. He has this habit of messing with my routine. I like things done a certain way, at a certain time, and he likes to push my buttons. I think we get along better when he's working. Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder! I LOVE than man dearly, but he drives me nuts!

Delaney had been running a fever and coughing like crazy, so we pushed her surgery back again. It is now scheduled for the end of the month instead. I hope she's over all her "flu-like" symptoms by then. I'm just ready for her surgery to be over. I just feel like maybe it's not in God's plan for her to have the surgery right now. It seems like everytime we schedule it, something comes up and we have to cancel. Then, once it's cancelled, she starts to feel better and I feel bad about rescheduling. This time, her fever went down the day that she was supposed to be checking in to the hospital. Maybe He's trying to tell me something?! She's doing great with her therapy. Her speech is the only thing that's really not improving at all. Her physical therapist says that Laney is slowly meeting her goals and we will need to set some new goals soon. Her occupational therapist has help Laney meet all her goals and we went yesterday to re-evaluate her to set new goals. I am so proud of how far she has come these last few months. I still long for the day that she calls me "momma" for the first time. I can't imagine a sweeter sound in the world. Her laughter makes me smile, but her first sweet words will probably melt me!

Destiny is back to normal with her behavior. We've not had any problems with her in school lately. It seems like she's starting to get adjusted to her new school and her teachers. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see her come out of her shell this year. Still taking small steps-but we'll get there!

Paisley is really struggling with her school work. We're working with her at home. She's trying really hard and I hate seeing her frustrated with herself. My sweet husband has so much more patience with her, when it comes to her homework. He's been working with her every night. She seems to enjoy the one-on-one Paisley/Daddy time she's been getting with him. They work on reading and math the most because that seems to be what gives her the most grief.

That's all the time that I have to post right now, but I just have so much more on my mind. I will try to post some more tomorrow after I get home from the allergist. I hope you all are having a better week than we are!

Feeling Blessed and Wanted To Share It

I have a blessed life. I know sometimes it seems like I only focus on the negative, but I think of the positive a lot. I have a blessed life. I have a life full of riches that are far more important than mere wealth. I have an awesome God who provides me the strength and patience I need to get through the not so awesome times. I have a wonderful husband, three exceptionally smart and beautiful daughters, one (now perfect) little angel waiting to be held on the other side of heaven, a beautiful and talented sister who loves my children almost as much as I do, shelter over my head, great transportation, and food to fill my family each day. I have an immensely BLESSED life. I have been blessed on so many different occasions by the kindness of others. I have wonderful friends. I have been blessed to be welcomed into a great community of loving and caring bloggers who make me feel like I'm someone important in their lives. Yes, I'm very blessed indeed.
I woke up this morning feeling great. My kids are happy, my husband is happy, and I am happy. This time, one year ago, I couldn't say the same thing. Bobby was recovering from his surgeries and we were living day-to-day with no idea how to make ends meet or pay the bills. School was starting and the girls needed so many things we were unable to provide. We had no idea how we were going to pay the electric bill (or any other bill for that matter.) Still, I had a very blessed life. The Lord provides (as I ALWAYS say!!) My wonderful and kind aunt (and her daughter, my cousin) decided to send us a package. In this package was a TON of clothing and school supplies for my girls. Beautiful things, hand-picked by them, with my girls in mind. They sent so many things that I remember crying as I looked through the boxes. New shoes, jeans, shirts, socks, paper, folders, crayons, pencils, you name it. It was everything they needed or wanted and it was such a relief for me, as their mother, to be able to send them off to school with everything they had desired. But even more than that, it was a fantastic and awesome feeling to know that we weren't struggling alone. We had someone willing to help us provide for our family when we weren't able to. Not long after, a remarkable woman who called herself "Aunt Deb" heard of our struggles and sent me a check. To be more specific, not just one check, but several. I never met her, or talked to her, but she was a kind christian woman who learned of our situation and wanted to help. We never knew when the money was coming, it just arrived in the mail at different times, but always at the right time. Always at a time when we really needed the help. I remember one Saturday, we woke up early and the house was freezing. Our heat had gone out over night and was broken beyond repair. I was crying because I didn't know how we were going to keep the kids warm or replace the heat. It seemed like all my hope was lost, but there, in the mail that Saturday morning, was a check from Aunt Deb. She was our own personal guardian angel. We bought a heater and the house was warm and my tears dried and we felt so very blessed to be cared for and loved by one of God's angels. Then, the floor in our bedroom fell through. Just like that, one day it was there, seemingly solid, and the next day, our bed was on the ground UNDER OUR HOUSE!!! It was horrible and it was scary, and once again, hope seemed lost. Do you know how much it costs to replace a floor? We don't. We have no idea how expensive it is to replace a floor because we didn't have to. I made a comment to a friend at the pharmacy I use and just like that-problem solved. I was just venting, lamenting my worries to a friend and she said, "Kaleena, don't worry, the Lord will provide!" And He did. A few days later, my friends at the pharmacy made arrangements to come in and fix the entire room. They got the materials donated and the labor donated and I got to help. The ladies from the pharmacy even came and helped me paint. The carpet people let me pick out my new carpet. It was awesome and it was way beyond my wildest dreams. To see these people, most of them strangers, come together to help my family, is something I will never forget. I have never felt so blessed. When it came time to dress Laney for the colder winter months, we were blessed again, with kindness from two lovely ladies who purchased brand new clothing. My Laney was the best dressed baby on the block last winter! When Christmas came, I was worried that my girls would have nothing to open on Christmas morning. I shouldn't have worried, because once again, the Lord stepped in to provide the help we needed. The girls' school took up a collection among the staff to assist us with bills and a little Christmas help. I'll never, as long as I live, forget the knot the welled up in my throat when I opened that envelope to find almost two thousand dollars! It was definitely enough to keep us stable until Bobby was able to get back on his feet. I will never know who made those donations, and they will never know how much it meant to us or how loved and cared for we felt. I have a blessed life.
The point to this story, well, there isn't really a point. I just have a blessed life and wanted to share some of my story with others.
A few weeks ago, I posted about a group called Pass It On, Baby! I am in the process of boxing up some things to ship to a family in need. Those lovely outfits that were gift to my Laney last winter? They will be enjoyed this winter by a little girl that needs clothing just as bad as Laney did last year. I am so happy to know that the beautiful clothing that Laney received from those two ladies will be worn by another beautiful little girl. It does my heart good to be able to pass along some of the help that we were fortunate enough to receive from others. If you haven't visited this blog before, I urge you to do so. I know that at one time or another we have or will all need a little extra help. So think about that. Let someone else help you if need be, then take that kindness, when you are able to and Pass It On, Baby!

Hectic Days In McNabb Land

Once again, it's been a few days since I posted. My internet has been down for a few days and I am only now able to catch up on my blogging and reading. It's been a crazy and hectic time in McNabb Land!
My big girls had their first full day of school on Monday. Paisley was nervous about her new school building, but excited to see all of her little friends. She came home happy and smiling. She loves school and was thrilled to be in 1st grade. Destiny was pretty anxious about being in a new school, but was blessed with a fantastic and patient teacher. She has (so far) made the transition from Primary to Intermediate school ALOT easier for Destiny. We had a rough sunday night and tons of tears from destiny, but Monday went pretty good. I took her to school expecting a struggle and was pleasantly suprised that we didn't have a struggle. Last year I had to peel Destiny off of me every morning and was constantly called back to the school because she had fainted or was crying non-stop. Her teacher last year was awesome, but that didn't make a difference. She HATED going to school. She HATED being left there all day and cried all the time. These last 2 days, she's been like a different child! Whew, it's so much easier on me when she goes into that classroom with a smile on her face!
Poor little Delaney, on the other hand, is miserable. She wants her sisters to stay home with her. She starts whimpering when I drop the girls off at school and doesn't perk up until we pick them up at 3:00. She really liked having them home for the summer and I think maybe they spoiled her a little. I guess playing with mommy isn't as much fun.
♥♥♥♥I got my car this week! I am thrilled that I have a car again. I must say that it is a RELIEF to be able to take Laney to therapy again and drive my girls to school. It was really scary sitting here with no transportation. I was constantly running "worse case scenarios" through my mind. I could picture an emergency that required medical help and not being able to do anything because of no vehicle. I kept seeing myself calling 911 and no one answering. I think I worry too much. Anywho, I have a car again!!! It's not really a car I would have chosen if I had thr choice, but it is at least a reliable car, and it sure beats walking. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us these past few weeks. Things are starting to look up again.