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Today has been a hard day for me. I went in to the doctor to find out the actual results of my mammogram. I feel as if I've had the wind knocked out of me. I have a nodule in my right breast. My doctor says it is in the "9 o'clock" lymph node. She then went on to tell me that this is the lymph node that breast cancer generally originates from. She gave me the impression that there is only a small chance that this is not breast cancer. I will have my breast MRI next week. I would be lying if I told you I'm not worried. I'm terrified. I have too much to live for. Too much "fullness" in my life to not be terrified about this. I have had too mush illness in my family lately. I just don't know if I have the strength to go to battle with another illness, should the need arise. I am beaten down and feeling terribly broken right now. I am trying not to question my Father, but it's so hard right now. I feel like the sky has opened up and the rain is falling down and the storm is raging against me. I'm just too tired to go against the current in this ocean. I know I need to turn to my Lord and place my fate in His hands. I just don't have that faith right now. His hand is outstretched, just beyond my reach right now. I feel so shattered.
Lord, I need you now, more than ever. I feel so many different emotions. The trials of the past year have me feeling beaten and battered. I just don't think I am strong enough to handle anything more. Please God, I have so many hopes and dreams for my life. My babies are young and I want to see them grow and reach their full potential. My husband needs me. We need each other. WE need YOU Lord! Please, Don't let this be cancer, God. PLEASE. I'm on dirty knees. I beg of you. God, PLEASE, I am struggling now, but I still believe in your strength and healing power. Lord, please let this not be cancer. Set me free from this fear and anxiety I'm feeling. Let me see my children grow. Help me survive this. Carry me through this and past this, in one piece. AMEN.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I am praying to this is no cancer and that you will stay healthy. You are in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kaleena! This was not the report I wanted to read!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like this was caught early (praise God for your check up). Try to keep your thoughts positive. Praying for you. Psalm 46:10
Let's stay positive. With all you have gone thru, we know that God is in control. We will all pray for you and hope they are totally wrong.
ReplyDeleteSaying a few prayers for you!! God is in control and just lean on Him and He will guide you and give you strength. everything will be ok.
ReplyDeleteKaleena, you will persevere and be able to handle what comes your way. You've proven time and again you can do what you need to as the need arises. Lean on Him and your faith, all of us praying for you!
ReplyDelete"I complain when I feel like complaining and cry when I feel like crying. I'm emotional and I don't mind being that way."
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to comment on this part of your profile and say you go girl!!! I am the same way! I laugh when I feel like it, complain when i feel like it, and cry my eyes out when I feel like it. And, right now I feel like it so that's exactly what I am doing. I am emotional too and figure since God made me this way, He knows best!! I wouldn't change it if I could!! So like I said, you go girl!!
Stacy
By the way, I meant to also say that you are and will continue to be in my prayers about this.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about everything you are going through right now. I know it is hard to stay strong, but I pray that God gives you the strength you need to stay strong right now. God be with you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteKaleena, I'm very sorry and I am praying that the results are no cancer. But, our Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves and He has a plan for us that we cannot understand until later. Please keep your trust in Him. Satan wants you to feel angry and turn against God, but don't fall for it. God has something wonderful in store for you and he is sculpting you into something of greatness. Just keep believing in Him. It is all in His hands. Keep us updated.
ReplyDeleteKaleena, you are in my prayers. Please keep us updated.
ReplyDeleteKaleena - Sorry to drop in late to your update. I've been at UCSF.
ReplyDeleteYou can't help being scared right now but don't let them diagnose you without a diagnosis. HANG ON MY YOUNG FRIEND.
If you DO have to walk that path, then God will give you strength as he has for so many other things. And you know we will all be praying for you.
This whole concept is just so hard to walk through and you have had SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH. May God give you PEACE this moment and during your other challenges. He will.
((hugs)), little dearie.
Sweetie, so sorry you're having to go through so much. You're in my thoughts and in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Kaleena! I know the report you would have wanted. The one we all want. I hope and pray that this is not cancer, but if it is that you will have peace and grace that can only come from God.
ReplyDeleteHe WILL give you the strength to make it through.
I hope this diagnosis was caught early and that you can quickly get a clean report.....
Praying beside you on my own dirty knees.................
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I'm praying for you. Sometimes when so many trials come into our lives, a part of me believes that we're doing things right. In the end, we have to cling to God and put our complete trust in Him. I believe that you are doing that. Keep praying hard, and refuse to let cancer enter your body.
ReplyDeleteIn Christ,
Jenny
You are in my prayers and know you are not alone. God is wonderful and he will lead you through this no matter if it is cancer. My mom found out she had ovarian cancer on Christmas eve but with our faith in God we have gotten through 3 round of chemo, surgery and surgery complications. Ovarian cancer is horrible, normally you don't find it before it has spread to other organs and there is no real test for it. She was fine at her last papsmear and they found it when she was havng terrible nausea before her next one. Because of God they found it before it had spread outside her reporductive organs and because of him we will get through this. You will get through this no matter what, if you ever want to talk (I don't know your history but I now know more then I ever wanted to about cancer, chemo etc) leave a comment on my blog and I will send you my email address.
ReplyDeleteBelieve in the power of prayer.
Meggan