Looking Back

We went into Parkwest hospital on the morning of July 8th and we were nervous (of course) about the chiari decompression. The surgery was to begin at 8 am, but at 7 am, the people came to take him to holding for the surgery. I was fine until they came to get him. I had been told that I could stay with him from 6-8 am and then they would take him back and I would have to go wait in the waiting area. When they took him an hour earlier than planned I felt cheated out of my hour with him. I guess I'll just come right out and be honest. I was convinced that that would be my last 2 hours with him. I had talked myself into believing that he was going to die, and I had slowly started to fall apart before the surgery ever started. I went out to the waiting room and sat there ALONE for a few minutes. I was waiting for his family to show up. After about 20 minutes, the lady at the desk told me that my husband was in the holding room and was asking for me. I was so happy that they were letting me see him again! I went to the holding room to see him. They had put 2 more IV lines in his arms (making it a total of 3). One of the lines was an arterial line and they had strapped his arm down to this board. The nurse explained to me that the arterial line was not just an IV, but was also a moniter to track his blood pressure constantly while the surgery was going on. He was relaxed from the medication that they had given him, but he was still able to talk to me and know that I was there. I sat with him for a few minutes and told him how much I loved him and that I had asked God to guide his surgeons hands. After about 10 minutes, they came to take him away for surgery. I gave him one last hug and kiss and told him I love you again. As they were wheeling him away, the last thing I said to him was, "come back to me in one piece" and he told me he loved me too and promised that he would be ok and he would be back with me soon. I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life as the door shut and I was left there standing at the doors of the operating room alone. I was so lost! I went to wait for the surgery to be over.They came out and told me that the surgery started at 8 on the dot and that I would be waiting for at least 3 hours. The lady at the info desk came out every hour to let me know that everything was going fine in the O.R. I was living from hour to hour. Anxiously awaiting those hourly updates. His surgery ran for 6 hours! Finally, the lady came to get me. She took me to a room to wait for the surgeon to talk to me in private. When Dr. Ragland walked in I was holding my breath. He told me that Bobby was okay. He had made it through the surgery. They had cracked his skull, released the pressure on his brain, and removed bones C1 and C2 of his spine. But he was ALIVE! The doctor told me Bobby was still in surgery. They were cleaning him up and Dr. Ragland had to go back in there and stitch him up. I was told he would be in recovery for an hour and that I would be able to see him in ICU right after that . Three hours later. I was FINALLY allowed to see him! The nurse in ICU told me that after his surgery, his heart rate was really high and that they had given him a heart medication to lower it to normal rate and stablize him. She said it is normal to have a problem like this in a major surgery and not to worry. The had kept him in recovery longer just as a precautionary measure. I tip-toed into ICU room 7. He was laying on the bed. So still, with his hands at his side. I wanted to touch him. Make sure he was real. Make sure that this wasn't just a dream I was having and that he was really ok, really alive and in one piece like he had promised me. As I reached out to touch him, his eyes snapped open and he said, "Hello beautiful!" I was never so happy in my life! He was ok! A little loopy, but ALIVE! They let me stay with him for a few minutes, but then they made me leave. He begged them to let me stay, but the nurse said he needed his rest and he was in quite a bit of pain from the procedure. I was allowed to come back at the next visiting hour. At that visit I came in and sat with him while he slept, just holding his hand, being there, felt like heaven. We have always spent alot of time together and I am not very good at being alone. When the visit was over he begged the nurse to let me stay again, and again, she said no. As I was leaving the room, his heart rate went up REALLY high, REALLY FAST! It was at 170 when the nurse came to get me from the waiting room. She said that maybe I should come sit with him. It might calm him down and lower his rate. I was in there for about 5 minutes when the heart rate went back to normal speed. The nurse noticed as I was trying to leave that it started to rise again so she told me I could stay in the ICU with him and just spend the night. I was happy not to have to leave again, but I was also terrified about the heart rate increasing so suddenly. That night was horrible. His rate went up to over 200. They actually had to bring in the crash cart and a cardiologist. His rate went over 200 and stayed that way for over 4 hours! It was so fast that it was wearing his heart out. The cardiologist said it was causing a strain on his heart and that they may not be able to bring him back if he crashed again. I have never cried so hard in all my life. I just KNEW that he was going to die. They gave him this really high dose of a heart medication and it stabilized his heart rate (thank God) for the remainder of the early morning hours. At 5:30 pm the following day (July 9) they moved him out of ICU into a room on the neuro floor. This would be where he could try to rehabilitate. They wanted to get him sitting up in a chair and walking at least a few steps. We were up there until about 7 pm when all hell broke loose. His heart went crazy! We were just sitting there one minute and the next minute, his body was jerking off the bed. He was going into cardiac arrest and people came from all different directions. They gave him 3 different doses of his heart medicine before they were able to get his rate to a SAFE level. As soon as he was stable we were moved to the cardiac floor. The next 2 days (July 10 and 11) were awful. We never knew when his rate was going to go up. I was afraid to sleep. I was afraid not to sit beside him and watch him. I was so scared that I was going to look away for just a second and he would just be gone forever. July 11 was Bobby's 24th birthday and we were miserable. He was in the worst pain ever and the cardiologist came in to see us at 1:30 in the morning. He told us that Bobby's heart was wearing out and that it wouldn't be able to take much more of the strain and that our best option was heart surgery....immediately. So, exactly 1 week after brain surgery, Bobby went into heart surgery. I'll skip the drama of the 2 1/2 hour wait in the waiting room. He was brought back to his room on the cardiac floor after about 3 hours and (drum roll please!!!!!) the cardiac surgeon said that his surgery was a BIG SUCCESS!!! Finally, something goes right for a change. We stayed 9 days and were told we could go home and he could continue his recovery in the comfort of his own bed. So here we are. A little worse for the wear, but he kept his promise. We are together again and he is still in one piece. The pain is pretty intense and the surgery for the chiari malformation was not a cure (only a treatment), but at least it gave him more time. Time to spend doing ANYTHING! the things he never would have been able to do had it not been for the doctors that worked so hard to save him for me. We are extremely blessed in ways that simple words can not ever convey. We are now living one day at a time...enjoying whatever we do together as a family. This experience has made me learn to appreciate "the little things" he has always done to help me around the house. I am having to perform the mundane tasks alone and I am looking forward to the hope that maybe one day he will feel better and the "new" life we are hoping to have will finally be reality. However, if he continues to suffer the symptoms of this incurable disease, I am fully prepared to take care of him everyday for the rest of our lives. I am just grateful to have him by my side again! Proof positive that there IS a God. We made it through this obstacle TOGETHER - we can make it through anything!