Walking The Halls With God

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 I have spent the last several days wallowing in self-pity. Asking God, why us. Why again? Hasn't my family seen enough trial to last a lifetime? Haven't we suffered enough? Why do we need to put Delaney through yet another illness, yet another surgery? The only answer I have is that there are no answers. No sense wallowing in pity when someone, somewhere is alot worse off than we are. Instead of questioning God, I should be praising Him. He gave us this precious girl to love and care for. He never gave us a guarantee. Children don't come with a warranty. He gives us his gifts as-is. And we have to accept that. Don't misunderstand, I would never wish away or pray to change anything about our sweet girl. She is who she is because of (and maybe in spite of) the road we've had to travel with her. I am grateful to the Lord for giving the doctors the technology and the know-how to treat colitis and Hirschsprung's. I am grateful that there is a treatment for Delaney's colitis and grateful that there is a surgery to repair hirschsprung's. He gave the medical field the knowledge to cure, but I KNOW that above all, He is the ultimate healer. Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 Delaney's life story was written long before she was even sent to us. Only He knows how the story will play out. He is the only one that can determine how long Delaney is here with us on this side of heaven. He is the only one that gets to make that choice. He's steering this vessel and we're just along for the ride. Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed. Mark 6:51 We are trudging along this week, secure in our belief that this new surgery will be the beginning of a wonderful life, free from stomach pain, for our brave girl. It seems silly to sit here in fear, when Delaney is smiling and laughing through the good AND the bad. She is re-hydrated (or as re-hydrated as she can get) for the time being. Her poor little rear end is still so very raw from the constant "going" so I've been keeping her slathered in Calmoseptine. She's been in pretty good spirits most of the time, however, cranky is a good way to describe her when it comes time for sleep. I think the tummy cramps make it hard for her to relax even when you can see that she's super tired. I've played about a million and one games of peek-a-boo and probably more than a billion games of "where's Moosey?" in the last week. I keep my brave face on while we play, but that brave face slips away as soon as she's sleeping. I KNOW she's doing OK right now, but I just hate to see her feeling bad or in pain when her tummy hurts. You'd think I would be use to her going into surgery by now, but it just doesn't get any easier. She's my baby and I wish she didn't have to go through this. I've dirtied my knees AND elbows this week, praying that this surgery is a complete success and that her intestines will be healed and that Hirschsprung's is a thing of the past for our girl. I know God will be with her every step of the way and He will hold her in His arms during the surgery and until she is given back to me after recovery. Even now, she is under the protection of his angels and always has been. Always will be. It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. Psalm 18:32-36 Twenty-three months ago we weren't even sure that Delaney would be coming home to live with us. Her body was weak and her health was a downward spiral. The hospital was the only home she had ever known and we feared that it would be the only earthly home she would ever know. I remember wandering those hospital halls, lost and uncertain. I remember the fear and the anxiety that each new day brought. I remember hitting my knees in the halls more times that I can count, begging and praying to a God I wasn't sure I had the faith to trust in. I made promises and tried bargaining. Nothing seemed to do any good. I searched up and down those hospital hallways, looking for answers and reassurance that our little girl was going to make it. But it wasn't until I fully gave my worries to Him, put my FAITH in him, that things started to turn around. No, Delaney didn't just suddenly become healthy overnight. She was still fighting for her life. She had many more bad days to come. It just seemed like a weight was lifted. I found God in those halls and I clung to Him. As I cling to him now, 23 months later, in different halls, in a different hospital, with all the faith that I searched so hard for all those months ago. She is sick, and weak, and tired. But she is a fighter and there IS a light at the end of this tunnel for us. She WILL be healed and her life WILL be as rich and rewarding as it was created to be. She has a strength that most only hope to someday have. I have seen her at what I hope is her worst and am now looking forward to seeing her at her best. So for now, we are here, waiting for surgery, and looking towards the hope of better days to come. But in between the playing and snuggles and praying and sleeping I sneak out to walk the halls with God. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. When you call upon me, when you come to me and pray to me, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me." Jer 29:11