3/12/09
Got Any Glue? I'm Broken
Today I am broken. Maybe a little scotch tape and some super glue could fix me. I feel like I have been on a roller coaster for the last little bit of eternity and I am finally being allowed to exit the ride. Shattered is a good description for my emotions today. Don't know why. Nothing stunningly life altering occurred overnight. My world has not caved in on me. My very existence is not being threatened by a force of nature beyond my control. But it sure feels that way. I could probably sum it up as a "balloon feeling." You know how a balloon looks when you let all the air out? Deflated. That's how I feel today. It's just this "black hole-blah" feeling. I've tried to shake it, it's stuck to me like glue. I think I'm losing my sanity. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm losing my adrenaline rush. I'm coming down from the events of the last few weeks or months or year. It is not a nice ride. I feel unstable and oddly empty. Yuck. That's a good way to put it. I feel "yuck." Dread has set in and I can't shake it either. Curse these chains of worry and guilt that are tying me down. They are locked tight and I can't find the key. I'm metaphorically screaming on the inside. LET ME OUT!!!!! TURN ME LOOSE!!!!! I am standing on the edge of reason and I fear I may fall. No, I'm not going crazy. It just feels that way today. I hope it rains.
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Here's some super glue to put you back togethr for good! Say a prayer and take a good nap!
ReplyDeleteOh, sweetie. You've been thru so much. You can't keep going at that pace & you are TIRED.
ReplyDeleteSome folks believe God uses us most effectively when we're broken. Here's a prayer He will bless you today & you will know how much he loves you!
You have been through sooooo much! Hope you are feeling better real soon!
ReplyDeleteYou poor dear. You've been so busy taking care of everyone else. Any chance you can get some time to yourself soon?
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I love your new layout!!!! :) Beautiful!
You are depleted, Kaleena. You've given out everything and in everyway. Is there someone who can give you even the smallest of breaks? A nap, household help, a cup of coffee and a shoulder? God will fill you but you need time.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely is your new look:)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are feeling so yuck. I would guess that you have crashed after everything you have been through. Lifting you up!
I agree with all the other comments; although it is natural for you to feel the way you do with everything that your family has been going through, the feelings are still there! I pray that there will be a way for you to get some much needed rest because that alone will probably make a big difference...and time! It's great that you are able to even 'talk' about how you feel (believe it or not!) You will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers!!! (wish we lived closer, I'd invite myself over to help out!) Blessings, Kristin
ReplyDeleteAllow yourself to feel these feelings. As a mommy you have had to be the strong one. It's no wonder you're feeling down now. There's no use to hold them in--let the feelings out! Know that God knows your heart and knows these feelings. And we are all praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and asking for God to give you a Peace that passes all understanging. I hope today you can feel the arms of Jesus wrapped tight around you and that you receive comfort in His love. He loves us more than we can ever even imagine. Please remember that and know that God gives us nothing that together with his help we can't handle.--Peace be with you, Renee
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to stop by on your blog and thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I haven't had a chance to get acquainted with your blog, but it sounds like you have had a hard time yourself. I will pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMy eight year old had eye surgery in September of last year, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Every situation is totally different though.
Your daughters are so beautiful! The first thing I noticed with the picture of Delaney, was the rainbow on her sirt. I guess God just wanted to give me a little peace before bed:)