This Is So Not Funny

So, there's this girl. She may, or may not be me. I'll never tell. Anyway, this girl has this constant black cloud hanging over her life. She never seems to catch a break from the storm. Add this story to the drama that is her life.

The girl is sitting at home on Friday, just enjoying her day and waiting with her little one. The little one has a home visit scheduled for Early intervention. They are cuddled together, watching Sid the Science Kid. Just doing normal things that this momma likes to do with her little one. All seems to be right with the world. Then the girl hears a strange popping sound. Almost like a crackle. Or an engine backfiring. The girl interrupts the snuggling to investigate the strange noise. She goes out in to the garage and listens for the sound. There it is again! It seems to be coming from the hot water heater. She hears it again and sees a spark. Looks like the hot water heater is going to explode. (Sometimes this girl can be a little melodramatic!) She calls for help and the father-in-law comes to her rescue. He unplugs the water heater and tells her that the crisis is over and that she can rest easy. He will look at it later and try to find the problem. Father-in-law leaves and the girl goes back to snuggling her little one. Until. Yes, until, it happens again. That strange noise is back and constant. Like one backfire after another. So the girl calls for help again and begs for the father-in-law to look at the water heater again. Find a cause this time. She doesn't want the thing to blow up. A while later, father-in-law discovers that a rat must have gotten in to the garage and chewed the wiring to the water heater. When he pulls the 220 wire out, it comes out completely severed. Two pieces. Well, there's her problem. When the wire was severed, it shorted out the element in the water heater. Now the girl has to get that replaced. And panic because a rat in the garage is too close to her house. Did I mention that the girl has this FEAR of rodents? She really does not like them at all.

Later that evening, the girl and her husband are out in the garage. Listening. Trying to hear anything that might indicate that the rat is still out there. Yep, there's the sound of something moving. Scurrying around behind the water heater. The husband tells his wife (the girl) to block off her side of the water heater with this big pipe. "you stand here and hold this pipe to block off his exit and I'll try to get him from my side." Girl says, "ok. But he can't climb up this pipe and get me, right?" Husband laughs and says, "no, I can see him and I'll let you know if he tries to come your way." So this girls trusts her husband and just does as she is told. Holding the pipe and feeling like she's going to throw up, or faint. Maybe both. She's looking a little 'green around the gills' so husband calls his father. "hey, we got this rat trapped behind the water heater. Get down here and help me get it." All the while, the girl can be heard in the background saying, "yeah, get down here cuz I aint touching it!" Father-in-law shows up and we, uh, I mean they, still have it cornered. Father-in-law takes over for the girl, holding the pipe, while husband grabs some kind of tool thingy and plans on reaching behind the tank and grabbing the little creature around the neck with the tool thingy. I wish I could say that this is the part of the story where the girl goes back in the house and lets the men folk take over. I wish I could say that. But, alas, I can not. They get the girl to kick the wall beside the water tank. Try to scare him enough so that he'll run back toward the husband. Then he can just grab him. Yeah. That worked. Scared him enough to get him moving all right. Right past the husband's feet. This is when the girl figures out that there is a wild-eyed, deranged rodent LOOSE in the garage. Running around all willy-nilly. Girl panics a little, but is still relatively safe, as the rodent took off to the other corner of the garage. Far away from her. The men folk are moving things around. Trying to get to the corner, where the girl just KNOWS, the rodent is laying in wait. Plotting and planning his revenge on the people that are poking at him with that tool thingy.
The girl is innocent. She just keeps mumbling that over and over again. (she is a bit melodramatic!) "Attack the men, leave the girl alone"

Just when the men are SURE they have the rodent cornered, he fakes left, then right. And runs-full speed, guns a'blazing (okay, maybe there weren't guns invovled, maybe that is a slight exaggeration, very slight.) directly TOWARDS the girl. Too stunned to move, she stands there. Waiting to meet her fate. Then, common sense kicks in and she pulls it together. Comes up with a plan of action.

This is the part of the story where I'd like to be able to tell you that the girl responds with dignity and grace. Poise even. But, I can't. Not with a rat running around her garage all willy-nilly. Are you kidding me? I wish I was. The girl reacts just in time. Hugs her laptop to her chest (did I mention she was holding her laptop?) and lets out what can only be described as a blood-curdling scream. She then moves like she has not been able to move since having her first child. Does this sort of stomping, screeching, shuffling dance and high-tails it (screaming all the way) back inside the house. Where she will stay....until it is safe to come back out. Laughter from the men folk could be heard for quite some time after the girl made her "brave" escape. But if you ask this girl, the rat is the one that got the last laugh. You see, after all that work, all the men had to do was open the garage door and let the rat scurry out on his own.